ADHD BLOG: The Best Part Is When It Stops

External Structures for AD/HD

2011-01-30T10:12:00.000-08:00

I just read an excellent article about willpower here: Click to see the Psychology Today article.

The concept described in this article is basically the same thing that AD/HD coaches use with their clients - that of creating an external environment which will support the client.

So many people with AD/HD think of themselves as lazy, but usually that's not really true. When they have the right supports in place, it becomes much easier for the individual to function, AD/HD or not.

So check out the article, and do some brainstorming - what helpful supports do you already have in place? Can you think of ways to build on the supports you already have, or try putting something similar in place in another area of your life?

For me, the biggest and most important thing is a datebook or calendar, which I refer to often. This is where I make my lists and keep track of all kinds of things. Without a calendar (and I have been without it at times) I drift without getting much done. Simply using a calendar brings AWARENESS. And awareness is my friend.

Invisibility

2010-12-05T22:56:00.000-08:00

I was just thinking about a conversation I had with my AD/HD coach several years ago. I was telling him how anxiety provoking it was to have to function in the world, feeling that my brain wasn't functioning at the same level as those around me. What he told me has helped me many times over the years, especially when my anxiety issues come back.

"They don't know!" he said. Which here means that, as long as I don't talk about it, chances are they won't figure out that only one side of my brain is working today.

While on one hand, the disadvantage of having an invisible disability is that no one can really tell, and therefore no one makes allowances for it, perhaps it works both ways. There is an advantage in being able to hide your "invisible" disability. Sometimes that's a good thing. It can make life easier in some ways.

The Means Whereby

2010-07-29T22:30:00.000-07:00

Now I'm going to get obscure... this is a "stay with me here" moment if there ever was one. Ever hear of the Alexander Technique? According to Wikipedia, "the Alexander technique is an alternative medicine and educational discipline focusing on bodily coordination, including psychological principles of awareness. It is applied for purposes of recovering freedom of movement, in the mastery of performing arts, and for general self-improvement affecting poise, impulse control and attention."

Blah, blah, blah.... I know. I can hardly read it myself. But it's so cool!

When I read the book called "Body Learning," about the Alexander technique, I was amazed at the way that the principles in the book echoed what I had learned about living with AD/HD. Keep in mind, the book is not about AD/HD, however I am taking some points from the book and applying them to AD/HD.

The most important points I got are summed up in two terms: means-whereby and endgaining.

Far too often, AD/HD people find themselves endgaining - they find themselves using unhealthy coping "skills" in order to get the job done. They get it done, but oh, they pay for it. This way of getting it done is quicker, perhaps, but often results in problems because of the way it is done.

On the other hand, focusing on the means-whereby, we are more concerned with the way we do an activity than we are about the result. This cuts down on inefficiencies and makes things easier to do.

Focusing on the means-whereby is what I like to do. It's how I get most of the big things done. And it's how AD/HD individuals should be coached.

AD/HD people find themselves looking for help because they have goals, but they need support to reach them. That's why coaching works so well. And the best coaches focus on the means-whereby. They don't forget about the goal, but they know that the big goal shouldn't be the main focus.

The client needs smaller, actionable goals. They also need to analyze their daily life and their environment to look for ways to maximize their effectiveness. That is putting the means-whereby into practice.

2009-10-22T22:57:00.000-07:00

I have nothing to say. If you vote for me, all your wildest dreams will come true.

Babysitting

2008-07-28T09:08:00.000-07:00

I'm watching my sister's 2 daughters, 3 and 8 years old. They are coloring with my 3 year old daugther. I just overheard a conversation: I'm coloring you. What color do you want your hair? "Purple." OH, something is already purple. You'll have to pick another color. Which one do you want, orange or green? "Orange."

This is the kind of conversation you never have as an adult. I just love how kids are not hampered by reality.

Changes

2008-05-25T22:45:00.000-07:00

Well, as I usually say, "It's been awhile"...

Ginger and I have decided to take an indefinite hiatus on the ADD Coaching. Maybe we'll have another go at it at a later date. Family issues have put the site on unofficial hold for a long time, and things will probably stay the same for the foreseeable future.

And since it doesn't make much sense to keep paying for the sites at homestead.com, we're going to be making some changes. We would like to keep our articles on the web somewhere but we haven't figured out the details.

It's regrettable but sometimes you just have to admit that it's not working and change direction. Either that, or continue to feel guilty and burdened (doesn't change the fact that you're still doing nothing). It's sad that it didn't develop as we would have liked, but life takes turns of its own.

I will continue to post to the blog, but since Ginger hasn't posted to her blog for like, 3 years, I wouldn't bother checking that...LOL.

Anyway, it's been great hearing your comments and getting the occasional email. It's definitely been worth it to know that we have helped some people by sharing our experiences. The concept for staywithmhere.com came from an AD/HD support group meeting we went to. We wanted to duplicate that feeling you get when you realize you're not alone and that there are people who really understand. If we have done that much for you, then we've accomplished what we set out to do.

Taxes Get People

2008-04-30T20:02:00.000-07:00

This is old but I thought it was funny. I was trying to remember which tax software had the "You Got People" - so I typed in "taxes got people" in Google. And I got back: Did you mean: taxes get people ?

Yeah. I guess that is what I meant.

Blogging About Other Blogs

2007-12-19T18:45:00.000-08:00

Yay! There are a couple of new blogs that you might want to check out.

Thoughts on AD/HD and Marriage, by Dr. Ned Hallowell and Melissa Orlov. http://www.adhdmarriage.com/ Of course they are writing a book and looking to tap into the AD/HD community for the text of said book. I also wouldn't be surprised if Melissa Orlov was doing most of the work, and Dr. Hallowell is just lending his name to the project. That's the way to do it! So go to the blog, and give them your two cents. I am hoping that this book will be useful.

The other one is Dr. Amen's Brain Blog, http://amenclinics.com/wp231/. Ginger and I really like Dr Amen. I don't know why some in the ADD community and in Psychiatry are so against his work. I have read articles by some who don't like him but it seems to me that they feel threatened and just want to discredit him. Any attempt I have seen to do so just seems like sour grapes to me.

Politics. (And this is where the tangent begins)... Hartmann vs. Barkley? I tend to agree with Barkley that AD/HD is not an advantage. At first when I read Hartmann's argument that AD/HD is an advantage (Hunter in a Farmer's World), I agreed with it. But as my knowledge about AD/HD broadened, I began to think differently.

Yes, ADDers have great qualities, but the problem, for me, lies in confusing the person with the disorder of AD/HD - which exists over the top of that person, so to speak.

I was most convinced that AD/HD is not an advantage when I was pregnant and went off my meds... let me tell you, having all of my symptoms back conferred no special advantages to me. With meds, I was able to achieve more in all areas of my life. Without them, I was back where I started. Not good. Luckily I had learned some skills and work-arounds, but it was the toughest time in my life - to have reached a higher level of funtioning and then to give up that "edge" I had gained by taking medication. To go back to an unmedicated state. I'm sorry, but you can't tell me that AD/HD is a gift. If it was, I'd be first in line to take it back to the store!

People get confused and think that since the AD/HD is a part of their daily experience, they have AD/HD to thank for certain good characteristics they have: creativity, quick thinking in a crisis, etc. They think that the great things they do are as a result of the AD/HD. Before coming to this conclusion, though, you need to determine where AD/HD ends and YOU begin.

The ones who can push through thier difficulties may seem to be sucessful because of their AD/HD, when in fact, it is likely in spite of it. Perhaps their AD/HD is mild, they have a strong inner drive, and/or they are able to set up adequate support systems.

How the "Grief Cycle" ties into all of this is interesting. This is the process that we all go through as we accept what it means to have AD/HD. I see the "AD/HD is a strength" thinking as a part of the grief cycle. Denial / Bargaining.

As long as we believe that AD/HD is a strength, then we can continue to make deals with ourselves. We can put off making the difficult decision about whether or not to medicate. (I'm not saying that everybody with AD/HD should take meds, that's a personal decision.) We can put off coming to terms with the real limitations that we deal with every day. And that can actually make us less successful in life.

So, I'll get off my soapbox. Maybe I think too much.

Study Sheds Light on Why Kids Grow Out of ADHD

2007-11-18T23:53:00.000-08:00

Well, you've probably seen it in the news by now. When I first heard it I thought, "That can't be right. Up to half of AD/HD kids grow out of it by the time they reach adulthood? AD/HD is just a developmental delay? I Googled it and even NPR has a story about it, complete with a video illustrating brain development. NPR? It must be true!

Well, it may not be so easy to sort out what this study really means. As you can read here, "the lead author of the school study was somewhat mystified that his research ... was being discussed in the same breath with ADHD at all. The study, he said, wasn’t “about clinical levels of attention problems.”

Now that the story has made the rounds, and stories have been written about the stories about it, it may have set the AD/HD community back by several years. Many people will feel even less entitled to seek treatment since the "leap" that many people will make is that there's a good chance that ADHD will just clear up on its own.

But, hey, I say we keep it because it's a good headline. Nobody likes a headline that reads, "AD/HD? Study Says Your Kids Will Probably Have it 'Till the Day They Die." (Snarky humor is my #1 coping skill. You should see what I delete before I post!)

I admit, it's not very hopeful to keep the opinion that, basically, AD/HD does not (usually) go away. As fun as it sounds to grow out of having AD/HD, you should definitely want to take care to note the difference between hope and, you know, gullibility. This is soft data and more research needs to be done in order to link the initial findings with outcomes. So for now, it changes nothing. Except, perhaps, people's perceptions about seeking treatment.

2007-09-16T11:56:00.000-07:00

No one will ever know how many ADD marriages have broken up over housework that didn't get done. One of my married clients had a full time job, and a child who had ADD, ODD, and more. She was too overwhelmed to do more than the basic household chores. She felt she was always behind on everything.

After she got a housekeeper (a mere $54 a week), she blossomed. It was just enough weight being taken off her shoulders - it enabled her to do the things that were further down on her to-do list. With the basic chores being done every week, she was finally able to do the things around the house that she'd always meant to do (painting the downstairs, etc). She was even able to take more time for herself. The whole family was happier, too.

That's why I'm recommending this book:

A Housekeeper Is Cheaper Than a Divorce: Why You Can Afford to Hire Help and How to Get It, by Kathy Fitzgerald Sherman.

Love the title! It's something to think about. And if you've always wanted to have a housekeeper but didn't know how to find a good one, this book will be helpful.

2007-09-11T08:09:00.000-07:00

Our house is still for sale but there is an offer on it, subject to the person selling thier own house. We aren't too excited about the offer but we're hoping that, if they don't sell thier house, they may go ahead and buy ours so they don't lose it.

Now that we've been working on our house for months, it's everything I've always wanted it to be. Almost every little problem has been fixed. There's granite in the kitchen and bathrooms. The yard is landscaped. Well, half of the yard. We are an ADD family so you're not going to get everything done. But it's starting to not feel like a home somehow. It's too tidy and perfect. I've never lived that way.

I feel weird not leaving the house in some disarray when I have to go somewhere. When I get back it's so tidy I'm afraid to move. It's not just me. If my toddler gets a few toys out, she looks at them on the floor and says, "I made a mess." Yes. Three stuffed animals. The horror.

Since the house doesn't have a sale "pending," it isn't off the market. Another buyer could make an offer and then the current buyers would have 72 hours to make good on thier offer. So, it's still being shown. Every time it's shown, I go into some state of "boggle".

And since it's been shown so often, I now understand the semipermanent state of boggle of ADDers who are selling/moving. I think that my coach training has helped me, however I can't get over how strange it is to be the coach, watching myself experience the textbook ADD "boggle". I understand and recognize it but I can't stop it. At the end of the day I'm still an ADDer like all of my clients. The only thing that can be done is to use the same techniques that work for every other ADDer. I don't get any special exceptions just because I know how all of this works.

I can't help but wonder how bad I might feel about myself if I didn't know about ADD boggle. I have a tendency to have unrealistic, high expectations for myself. To combine that with lower than normal functioning is a recipe for depression.

For those who aren't familiar with ADD boggle, it's basically too much stress causing you to shut down. I may not have described the nuances of it but that's basically it. Some people get cranky, some people get more spacey, the list goes on. Functioning is impaired. Not in all aspects. For example, you might be able to "escape" the boggle by leaving the situation at home and going to work... However, if you have already "boggled" earlier that day, then your functioning for the rest of the day will suffer.

I have become an expert at recognizing boggle in myself. I've come to recognize a physical sensation that, sometimes, I can feel coming on. If I have the ability to stop doing what's causing the boggle, and wait until later to resume the activity, then I can still have a normal day. Boggle happens when I'm startled (can we show your house in 15 minutes?), or if I study something that I don't have an avid interest in. I can read a few paragraphs, underline, make a few notes, but I have to stop after a few paragraphs. If I don't, then my brain will melt and that will be that. I also boggle after 45 minutes of sustained attention to conversation.

But luckily, I have found a way around having to do that. If there's music playing, I can read and study anything for as long as I need to. I discovered that when I was attending support group meetings. I would always leave the meetings with what I called "brain burn" - LOL. After 45-50 minutes of sustained attention, I am so boggled, it feels like there's some kind of loud piercing alarm going off, except that I don't actually hear anything.

The support group meetings would last for an hour or more. I was torn. Should I disrupt the gathering by leaving at 40 minutes (thereby assuring that I'd get out of there OK)? I could have. But I never did.

Then during one of those meetings, there was a radio playing in the corner of the room, and I walked out of there feeing just fine. That's when I figured out that music helps me to overcome boggle. It does not matter what kind of music. I think that music even helps my brain to function more normally. I am less distractable when there's music playing. I am able to converse with more ease. I have more "brilliant ideas" when there's music playing.

To each his own, but you may find that music helps you (or ADDers in your family) with your daily functioning too.

Street Credibility

2007-06-25T16:22:00.000-07:00

If you click on the title you can see George Michael saying he's got street credibility. I've been thinking about that and laughing and laughing.

Lately I've been working really hard on getting ready to put the house up for sale and packing in preparation for moving. Then I stuff the boxes in the shed. I should probably just throw all of that stuff away. Maybe I'll do it when I'm unpacking.

Yeah, we're really going to move this time. Assuming that we can sell our house. We will stay in the same area.

My parents have been working much harder than I have been. They painted my house. They are great. They have way more energy than I do for some reason.

In the midst off all of this I lost my planner. After retracing my steps, calling people, and searching everywhere, over and over, I finally found it. (In a laundry basket under some clothes.) Just a snapshot of the chaos that reigns. I've got to reign it in.... Ah, it should be a piece of cake. *snicker*

This is why your systems have got to be air tight when you're going through a transition. The planner goes where it goes and it can't go anywhere else. Unless you want to lose it forever.

Wal-Mart $4 prescriptions

2007-02-18T17:15:00.000-08:00

http://www.walmart.com/catalog/catalog.gsp?cat=5431

Now you can get certain medications for $4 at Wal-Mart, whether you have insurance or not. If the link doesn't work, just go to walmart.com and click on Pharmacy on the left. Look for Generic Drug Program on the Pharmacy page.

The program isn't perfect but it's bound to help a lot of people afford their meds.

ADD Challenges

2007-01-30T17:35:00.000-08:00

I just want to mention that ADDCoach.com is now offering a new curriculum on The Challenges Inventory. This is a way of assessing ADHD as the sum of all its parts, rather than just seeing the presenting symptoms. One symptom exacerbates or causes another symptom, so attacking the symptom and thinking you are going to get somewhere - that's the pitfall of coaching ADHD individuals without The Challeges Inventory. It's a test that coaches can use to save time in identifying which challenges their clients have, and the REAL causes of these challenges (not always what you think)! I think it's pure genius!

http://addcoach.com/pdf/ChallCat07.pdf

Madelyn-Griffith Haynie spent over a decade compiling and developing this information. The classes are available to the public, and you don't have to invest thousands of dollars to get the classes that you want, because you can pay for just the classes you want.

Just have to give this endorsement because I really believe in this method.

Communication is so important

2006-11-29T23:41:00.000-08:00

Today my daughter said "It's poopoo, it's milk." She's been saying it every day for the last 3 or 4 days. I'm not sure what it means. She started out saying "Poopoo is milk," but now she seems like she's getting a little closer to making sense. These are the kinds of things that kids say that leave parents scratching their heads. But as the kids pick up a little more English, they start making more and more sense. I've witnessed many puzzling phrases suddenly come into focus - oh, that's what you were saying!

So I guess I have to wait for awhile before we have some good communication with my daughter, but it's coming along.

Between her and my husband, I feel understood.....with great effort. Like today, I was telling my husband about a woman who wrote a popular book when her daughter was 6 weeks old. "Six. Weeks. Old. I could never have done that. Of course, some people luck out and have kids that sleep through the night - but not us!"

At this point he answered me, "I like kids." Sort of defensive.

"What?" I said.

"You said that we didn't like kids, but I do."

"No, I said that some people luck out and have kids that sleep through the night, but not us..."

"Oh."

You know, it's nice to be understood.

And if you were looking for a funny blog, well, let me refer you to www.birbigs.com. The Secret Public Journal is funny. Haha.

2006-08-18T12:09:00.000-07:00

So I've been watching a lot of Blue's Clues lately. It's about a mentally challenged man who apparently lives on Social Security. He talks to his furniture and animals, and goes on great adventures with his dog Blue, where they feature new and exciting products (special notebooks, thinking chairs, etc) to sell as part of the Blue's Clues merchandising plan.

All right, maybe I'm a little cynical. I mean, what's the point of having a cartoon if you're not going to sell stuff as a result? I suppose that I do the same thing in a way. After all, the whole point of my writing ADD-related articles is to attract clients to my coaching practice. If I happen to end up with a line of action figures - well, that's not going to happen.

Nothing is Safe

2006-07-03T22:51:00.000-07:00

I have an 18-month old daughter. Up until now, our child-proofing strategy has been to move things out of her reach. Now, there is nothing out of her reach. She is currently climbing up my right side, saying, Oh, Oh Look! and grabbing the computer mouse.

Nothing is safe.

Now, there's a reason why I don't spend many hours working - I want to spend lots of time with her. But there are times, like when I haven't had enough sleep because she's decided to wake up multiple times in the night, when I really just want her to leave me alone. The tricky part is, if she does leave me alone it only means that there will be a price to pay when I hunt her down. Sometimes I can actually see her doing something that she shouldn't. Maybe I'll let her get away with it, maybe I won't. If she's leaving me alone, then I have to weigh the benefits of that against how hard it will be to clean up or fix later. There is always a price to pay for a moment of peace.

For example, I was folding some laundry (assuming that she was not getting into anything) and when I was done, I found her with a Pepsi can, squeezing it at intervals to make a really neat noise.

She had spilled Pepsi on the vinyl floor, and her socks were soaking wet. I took the can away and, since her hands free, she leaned over and rubbed her hands in the spilled Pepsi. Then I had the lose-lose situation: if I clean her hands, the floor will still be dirty and I may or may not be able to get her to keep away from touching it. If I clean the floor, her hands will still be dirty and I may not be able to keep her from touching the floor....

A few days ago, we were outside and I let her go off into a fenced part of the yard, no need for me to watch her THAT closely, right??? I could see her, I was talking to my mom, blah blah.... when I walked over to where she was, she had a snail and was digging it out of it's shell. She had slime on her shirt, her hands, her mouth. Ugh.

There are moments in every mom's life when you just wish there was someone else to handle it. You almost say, hey, who's gonna take care of that? But it's all yours!

Home Sweet Home

2006-05-06T22:10:00.000-07:00

My parents sold their house last month, and ended up moving an RV into our back yard, where they are currently living. Of couse, they will not be there forever. They will find a new house eventually.

This has been a transition for me, but I think I dealt with it pretty well. For now, I have my mom close by and she can watch my kid for me once in awhile - and I don't even have to drive across town. I think it may be hard for me not to abuse this privelege.

As for my coaching schedule, doesn't anyone want Wednesday at 3:00 Pacific? Whatever could be wrong with it? I can't seem to fill it. So think about it, people.

In other news, I have gotten into American Idol, of all things. I just find Taylor Hicks fascinating for some reason. At least, there are only 3 more shows left in the season. Then I can get on with my life. Never in a million years did I think I would ever vote for anyone on American Idol. But there I am, with my home and cell phone, voting away. What is wrong with me? Well, I am so sick of getting all excited about a singer only to find out that there is something about him that repels me later. I am hoping that Taylor is someone I can just listen to without having to worry about "what does this song really mean?" - and maybe, just maybe, he won't get arrested for lewd conduct in a public bathroom somewhere. Maybe he won't start adding swear words to his songs just for effect.

We'll see....

2006-03-02T22:22:00.000-08:00

You know when you haven't seen a new blog entry here for awhile that I've either fallen off the face of the earth (well, it happens sometimes) or that I've gotten really busy! I don't remember which one it was!

I just saw a book that looks interesting: Never Be Late Again http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/0971649995/002-9885251-2498469

I am one of those people who shows up about 2 minutes late. I just pretend that I don't know I'm late, that's my solution and it works OK most of the time. (I am a champion of full-out mediocrity in almost every setting!) BUT of course there is the accompanying stress. The way my massage therapist says, "Is it really hot outside or something?" because I'm kind of hot from running down the block to his office. I could do without that sort of remark. Maybe I'll buy this book!

Now I'm going to say something really un-coachlike (like I ever say anything coach-like on the Internet). I've been taking this product called Emergen-C and it's really, really, really helped my anxiety disorder. I am currently not taking my prescriptions because of the baby, and I've missed Zoloft! But now I think that I may not even need it! I think it's because of all the B Vitamins in Emergen-C. I have taken B Vitamins before, but these are working better for me, obviously.

Now, having said that, I have to do a disclaimer because my new liability insurance policy has not started yet. Just because I have had good results, that does not mean that you should run out and buy Emergen-C and go off your antidepressant. Always check with your doctor before you start taking a new supplement and never go off prescription drugs without consulting your doctor first. (See, MGH, I was paying attention in class!)

Disorganization and Fires

2006-02-06T22:12:00.000-08:00

Well, the organizing trade went pretty well. Ginger's office is in much better shape, thanks to me, and my computer is a little more organized, thanks to her. I still use the "search" feature to find a lot of stuff, because I still don't know what she did - and she's far from done, hehe. Neither am I done with her office....but the "big day" is over with - the first day, where you find yourself assessing the degree of the problem and trying to make some visible improvement.

I am recovering from the flu. I think it's got me more than a little off-center because I have set two fires in my kitchen (accidents) in the last two days, and tried to set another one by "steaming" broccolli with no water. I think I should stay out of the kitchen for a good long while. Pizza, anyone? Rotisserie chicken from the grocery store? Ah, the house smells like burned broccolli.

If you haven't got your flu shot this year, get it - I should have but it's too late for me. The flu is really bad this year. I've heard this from lots of people. Even if there is mercury (thimerisol) in the shots, I should have got it anyway. I used to get a shot several times a year that I later found out had thimerisol in it and I didn't die from that, so I suppose I could get a shot with mercury in it once more for old times sake. Maybe next year.

The baby seems to have avoided the flu somehow. She is starting to walk and her favorite hobby is making little bits of cheese disappear by rubbing them on the carpet. It's true that if you work hard and are patient, little bits of cheese just disintegrate into nothing and you can hardly tell that cheese ever stood on that spot.

Trading Spaces

2006-01-05T15:59:00.000-08:00

Ginger and I are planning to take our symbiotic-ness to yet another level. Now we're going to organize each other's stuff. This comes from an accumulation of problems that we've both had: her office, which causes her feelings of overwhelm at this point, and my computer, which is incredibly disorganized. It didn't start out that way, but over time, I changed computers, over and over, until it has reached the currently annoying level of disorganization.

A good illustration of what has happened to my computer files over the years: Imagine that you moved repeatedly but never really unpacked. You could find your stuff by digging through the boxes, and if there was something you couldn't find, you just bought another one. This is what I have done to my computer.

With each hard drive erase & restoration, I've had to move all of my files to one file folder so that my husband wouldn't have a list of things to save for me. He would just save the folder and do the erase & restore. Well, I never bothered to put things back the way they had been - never unpacked, so to speak.

Then there's my email inbox - I don't know how to set up subfolders, so everything is still there from about 1997 on. Some are still in Outlook from when I quit using it 2 or 3 years ago. Apparently there are ways of organizing email other than by date. Hmmm.

So as you can see, Ginger has her work cut out for her. But this is something that will be fun and easy for her, I think. Oh, I just remembered the digital photos I have saved to my hard drive. Many of them are duplicates, in various folders. Uh-oh. Poor Ginger.

Of course, I may start feeling sorry for myself once I see her office! I'm hoping that she's just blown it out of proportion in her mind. Maybe there's just a little mess in there, and since she hasn't dealt with it in such a long time, it's grown in her mind....well, there's a chance that that's true!

Breathing: a Useful Activity

2005-12-16T21:48:00.000-08:00

I get this newsletter from Women to Women, it had a link to an interesting article: http://www.womentowomen.com/nutritionandweightloss/deepbreathing.asp

It's my guess that shallow breathing is fairly common among ADDers, although I have no evidence to back it up (as usual). This article will explain how important breathing is - breathing deeply is one of the top things that you can do to improve your functioning and it doesn't cost a thing.

The importance of proper breathing is also mentioned in the book, Moving Beyond ADHD, which I am still trying to read all the way through.

Maybe this is one reason that exercise is so beneficial? It gets you breathing! Imagine that by not breathing properly, we are giving ourselves the same health risks (maybe to a lesser degree) that someone with sleep apnea has: increased risk of insulin resistance or type 2 Diabetes, and cardiovascular disease.

It's got to be just as important to breathe properly during the day as it is at night.

So try to notice when you are holding your breath (this happens to me when I feel anxious, and I'm not sure if it's holding my breath that causes me to feel anxious or if feeling anxious causes me to hold my breath), and notice when you are taking shallow breaths. Then try to breathe more deeply!

You know I write half of this blog just so that I have a place to put reminders for myself!

Take Care,

-Jen

Organizational "Bright Spots"

2005-11-30T12:10:00.000-08:00

We all know that ADDers aren't known for being tidy, overall. Of course, there are the "overfocused" ADDers whose environments look neat and tidy. But open a closet door and you'll discover the chaos that lurks within.

Ginger and I were talking about how, even in the most chaotic home, you'll always find some place where there is organization. For instance, her makeup is always organized. For me, it's my purse. I used to clean my purse by dumping all of the contents out onto the floor, every 6 months or so. Then I would sort and pick up the stuff, and then I would have to vacuum because of all the little bits of lint and etc.

But now, I just constantly take trash out of my purse. Instead of stuff accumulating, it stays clean. Instead of having small items floating around in there, I have a small zipper pouch that holds those items so they don't cause chaos by just being in there.

So those are our "bright spots"... what are yours? Feel free to share by posting a comment!

The Hallway

2005-11-23T18:56:00.000-08:00

I can't make it down the hallway and back without getting lost. I need to get some receipts out of my wallet and bring them back to the computer. Every time I go, end up getting distracted on the way. I put some laundry away or something. Then I come back to the desk because I'm supposed to be working at the computer. Well here I am, with no receipts to enter. I must head down the hallway again. Hopefully I will be successful this time.

Long and Mostly Irrelevant

2005-11-09T21:58:00.000-08:00

I am reading yet another book about Making ADD Go Away. This sort of book seems to be very popular. More stories of miraculous recoveries - all you have to do is refuse to believe that there is something wrong with you and center and ground yourself. Breathe properly. Correct your posture. The book is called Moving Beyond ADHD. I've also read "Stopping ADHD" (ADD is caused by a reflex and you must crawl and do exercises to cure it - I never did the exercises.) And I've read two books called "Healing ADD" (various ideas in each).

This latest book is interesting, and might even be somewhat useful, don't get me wrong. I'm always interested in this sort of thing, but not because I think it will cure my ADD. I'm always looking for tricks to improve my performance, especially since I'm not taking medication right now (still breastfeeding).

I think that some of the ideas from these books are useful, and some give people false hope. I spent years trying to find the Big Fix, and I never found it. But I funtion a lot better now than I used to, and even though I'm temporarily not on meds, I function better now than I did before I started taking meds. This is because of skills that I have picked up, mostly from coaching. Yes, coaches have coaches. Coaching works - so doesn't that make sense?

What else has helped?

I have shifted my thoughtss from "what's wrong with me" - to "what's different". In coaching, you look at what is, and work from there. So by not allowing yourself to think in terms of what you "should" be able to do, you can get more done. This is because you aren't placing high expectations on yourself. You can actually get more done because you don't have all of that "should" crud holding you back.
Nutrition. If I skip breakfast, eat junk food, or eat sugar, I will pay. It affects my mental functioning.
Exercise. It increases circulation throughout the body, including the brain. Those SPECT brain scans that show areas of underfuctioning in the brain are showing areas of poor blood flow. It makes sense that moving around would help increase circulation in the brain. Not to mention, it helps to moderate the insulin response, so your efforts in nutrition will be boosted if you exercise
Supplements.

But I still haven't found a cure. Maybe a "cure for everyone" is impossible because we are actually treating some personality traits as disease. Think of creativity and time-awareness as being linked. If you can picture that there is a 100% potential for someone to be creative, but that means that there will be NO time-awareness, 0% time-awareness, in other words (this is just a fake example), then a person could be 75% creative and 25% time-aware. The percentages would have to add up to 100% and to add to one would take away from the other. I tend to think that people's traits are linked to other traits in this way (keeping in mind that this is a fake example).

The reason I think this? My own personal experience with dyslexic symptoms. I have a friend, Ginger, who some of you know..... she's dyslexic. She likes to take everything she finds and turn it inside out, upside down, cut it up and put it back together a different way. This is the way she thinks. So you may understand that when she reads, the letters don't stay where they ought to. Her brain is still doing it's thing.

Well, when I spend a lot of time with her, her thinking patterns wear off on me and I start to actually see letters in the wrong order, and to transpose numbers I write. Strange, huh?

My point is that everyone can change the way they think. And maybe some people are "good" at one thing (back to my fake 75%/25% split again) that must correspond to something else that they are "bad" at. And if they can figure out how to be better at "time-awareness" they may find that they are less creative. Don't quote me because I'm no scientist. This is just what I suspect.

The more I read about personality types, the more I am convinced that at least sometimes, we are diagnosing personality traits as ADD. I think that all of the personality types have ADDers, but that some types are easily diagnosed as ADD, the ENFP being one of them. Some types are rare enough to fit into the percentages of ADD diagnosis without drastically affecting the estimates of how many people have ADD. You can read about personality types here: http://www.personalitypage.com/home.html

It's important to figure out which part of you is you, and which part is AD/HD. Distinguish personality traits from symptoms.

At this point, this post has turned into a rant! It has no end in sight, so I'd better quit now.

Writing Project and Finding Change

2005-11-08T09:40:00.000-08:00

Happy to report that I've been able to sleep, and therefore able to think, write and etc. I've been working on several web pages with Ginger, page that we're thinking about adding to our site. They are interconnected so that if/when we post them, they'll have to be published together. But, we are writing so much that we are thinking about the possibility of turning it into a booklet or e-booklet. So we'll see what happens with it. For now, we just keep writing.

I found an interesting blog written by a guy who goes around finding change, tells the story of how he found each coin, and keeps a running tally since Jan 19, 1998. You might think it's boring, but for some reason I find it fascinating. Maybe it's just because there is actually a guy out there who not only thought of doing this, but that he's able to keep up with the blog. He writes every day! http://changequest.blogspot.com/

2005-10-17T22:50:00.000-07:00

I still have this foggy existence from not sleeping much... as far as the web site, we are trying to get some updates on StayWithMeHere.com, and ConsiderCoaching.com, I promise we will have new stuff soon. I've learned not to give any dates, though. ;-)

I think that we will be offering a teleclass in the next year. That is in the works. Let us know, what topic(s) would you be most likely to attend if we gave a teleclass? Just reply to this post!

Thanks!

Baby is Boss

2005-09-19T21:29:00.000-07:00

The Boss is sleeping in her crib as I write this, ah, a little personal time. I have never had a boss that could get away with vomiting on me, and then not even give me time to change my pants before making another demand.

Separation anxiety is in full swing. If I leave, it has to be a clean getaway. I can't let someone else hold her while I'm around, because she will want me to hold her TOO. As if somehow, two people could merge into one and both hold her at the same time. If she's playing on the floor, I can't sit on the couch. That's too far away.

It's hard to say what this is like, to be so popular, and also in need of personal space. If she didn't like me (and I know the day is coming) my heart would be broken. But, I have been spoiled by all my years of freedom. I do manage to do a few things of my own, though. It's enough to keep me happy. And now people are starting in with suggestions that I should have another baby. WHY? I can't see how I would EVER have time to be me if I did that. By having only one child, I can still do some of the stuff I "used to do".

For now, I feel like I am getting away with something. I certainly don't have the limitations of someone who has jumped into the mommy gig with abandon. I don't own a minivan, I'm not squirreling away outgrown baby equipment or clothes, and every now and then, I get to take a shower. Why mess with perfection?

A Surprizing Article about Chronic Fatigue

2005-09-07T20:55:00.000-07:00

Read this article if you know anyone who has Chronic Fatigue Syndrome.
http://www.immunesupport.com/library/bulletinarticle.cfm?ID=6679

K bye.

Jen

ADHD Awareness Day - I thought that was last year!

2005-08-25T22:16:00.000-07:00

Well, it's coming up again. ADHD Awareness Day. For some reason, it just doesn't excite me. But free audio recordings excite me. From Sept 14-20, you can listen to free audio recordings at http://www.addresources.org/announcement_NAAD.php from various ADHD experts. Now, hopefully I'll be aware enough, come Sept 14 (ADHD Awareness Day) to go there and listen.

Hmmm...woot.com

2005-08-19T16:42:00.000-07:00

Ginger forwarded this link to me. http://www.woot.com
They sell one product each day, and may or may not run out before you get to order whatever it is that they are selling. The product descriptions are worth reading.

I've been looking for stuff on http://www.craigslist.com, it's a free classified site. It gets enough listings to be useful, and you can buy items like ugly couches and whatnot, from people in your area.

Ah... the baby is sleeping. Too bad I don't have thoughts anymore. I could write something clever, but she's teething so I'm waking up many, many times per night. This prevents my thinking creatively. She is slowly ridding me of my independent spirit. And just when it is gone, she'll want nothing more to do with me. Then I will go to therapy.

The Extinction of Were

2005-08-01T17:07:00.000-07:00

I have trouble listening to bad grammar. While I try my best not to correct other people, surely I can protest when I start using the wrong word. In this case, I'm surrounded. To illustrate, if I was in Texas, it would take me about 2 hours to acclimate and start saying "y'all". I'd try to fight it, just like I try to fight the inappropriate use of was. But I pick up other people's mannerisms, accents and expressions with ease - it's really sad. The word? Was. "Was" is a fine word when used correctly, but around here people use it in place of "were".

Was you going to go out today?
Wasn't you there yesterday?

Is this the Oregonian equivalent of y'all?

I certainly hope not!

Now, as far as I can tell, you should generally use "were" when you are speaking in the past tense, and then only when you are referring to more than one person (Jane and Michael were trying to cross the border with my chihuahuas!), or when you are asking someone about themselves. (Were you able to find your chihuahuas? Were they dehydrated?)

Now, I know that my own grammar is sometimes lacking (though I try), but I have to draw the line somewhere! Are you with me on this? Let's try to stamp out the misuse of was!

Project Time

2005-07-19T16:12:00.000-07:00

We keep getting feedback from StayWithMeHere that people have trouble with paper. Paper, paper everywhere. Piles and piles of it. Hmmm.... now, after receiving yet another feedback message about this, I realize that virtually nowhere on our site do we cover this topic. So Ginger and I started tackling the subject, but on this issue we don't think alike.

I found myself getting a little frustrated because we usually can come to some sort of neat and tidy summation of whatever topic we write about. This, however, is different. Because with paper, you have to be linear. And our styles are different.

To make things more complicated, each person had a different style. So when we try to explain how to organize paper, in an "ADD Friendly" way, forget about there being a right and a wrong way to do things.

We ended up with many more ideas on this topic than any other we've covered. It's going to take some time to sort it all out - as it should. It's a complicated topic.

The truth is, despite our methods, and despite our being coaches, etc.... neither of us can be counted on to have a clean desk. Like anything else that needs upkeep, there are times when the desk is clean and times when it isn't.

As it turns out, both Ginger and I have systems that don't depend on keeping the desktop clean. Sometimes the best solution is not through the mess, but around it..... so the desktop is here (or visible) today, gone tomorrow, but the bills still get paid, and not lost. The receipts, same thing...er, for the most part. Maybe Ginger and I don't have the same methods, but we have found ways that work.

So I suppose the most useful "trick" we have learned is to differentiate the important papers from the "other" papers. That doesn't help much with getting rid of the piles altogether. But it is an important thing to learn the difference between urgent and not urgent, and to separate them.

It will be interesting to see how our work on this topic turns out. Watch StayWithMeHere for the new "paperwork" info.... I think you'll find it less intimidating than the standard info that is available on this topic.

As usual, we welcome any tips or ideas that you may have.

Yeah I'm Still Alive

2005-06-26T15:18:00.000-07:00

I just don't blog much lately.

I don't have much time. Happy to report that I am figuring out how to keep up with all kinds of things thanks to putting the baby in a pack on my back. We vacuum, we clean. So now when she sleeps, I get to have some time to do the things that will help me keep up with the coaching business and other paperwork that needs to be done.

I might even be able to write for the web site. Actually... I have been. With Ginger's help, of course. We took an email that she wrote to a client (all identifying information omitted) and tweaked it, added to it, and wrote an article! This is great... if only we can use the stuff we are writing anyway and turn it into articles, we should have an endless supply of material for the web site!

2005-05-11T13:48:00.000-07:00

I now know why so many moms are boring. They have no time for outside interests. Someone once said to me, "Hi, I'm Ben's mom." I asked her, "what's your name?" Hmm. I'm afraid that might happen to me.

I realized a change in my perspective when I found myself saying that being a mom isn't the hard part - the hard part is having to do all that other "stuff". Does that make me a good mom - or just a boring person?

Or...maybe it's just another survival mechanism kicking in because the reality is that I am not able to do a lot of that other "stuff" anyway, so I can enjoy the baby that I have to take care of anyway (which may make me a tad boring when it comes to conversation) or I can try to have outside interests, and feel the frustration of not being able to have the level of involvement in those outside interests that I'd like. Now there's a logical explanation of why moms can become boring: resistance is futile.

A side note on all of this: (thinking about how important being "intentional" is, as an ADDer) I often find myself about to do a household task and I stop and ask myself, is this how I want to spend my time? Quite often the answer is no. Truth is, I still need "me time".

So to the outside observer, my house is a little chaotic, even messy. But it doesn't bother me that much because that is not the priority for me right now. It's something that would have driven me crazy a few years ago. I would have found a way to keep things clean, and get all the other stuff done as well. And it would have just about killed me. Now I try to do my housework by level of urgency. The top level is:

washing and drying the clothes
loading, running and unloading the dishwasher
pulling bills out of the mail and putting them in the "bills" folder
paying the bills
taking out the trash

Those are the things that keep the household running in some fashion. Disaster will be averted if those things are done. All the other stuff can wait until I feel like it. Or until my husband gets inspired....

The Olive Garden

2005-04-10T22:00:00.000-07:00

We had our first dinner in a restaurant with baby. Not recommended, but it had to happen sometime. By the time we got to the Olive Garden to meet Ginger and her husband, baby Kendra was wailing - she was hungry and we had been driving for a couple of hours, so she'd had enough of the carseat as well.

As soon as we parked, I got into the back seat and fed her. Then, she pooped in her diaper. Ah, great, I thought, as I pulled on the handle of the car door. And the door didn't open. Here I am, wedged in between a carseat and the door in the backseat of a tiny Toyota sedan, with a poopy baby. My husband was already inside the restaurant. My cell phone rings. It's him, but I can't reach the phone. It's in my purse, on the floor in the front of the car. Later I listened to his message, something like, "Hurry up, we're waiting."

Anyone who has had a baby will tell you that when a baby is in a carseat, a poopy diaper has a tendency to leak. I guess it's the way the baby's bottom fits into the seat that causes this. Who would have thought I would ever care? But at this moment, I really do. Because where am I going to put the baby so that I can reach over the seat to get my phone? I decide to put her in the car seat, but with her feet where her head should go. Hey, it's worth a try. And it worked! No leaks.

I finally get my cell phone - by reaching over the seat in front of me, in a skirt - so that my husband can rescue us. Of course, I can't go to the table yet. That diaper must be dealt with. I head for the restroom, only to find NO diaper changing station. Lovely. There's a leather chair in there that I use instead. Hey, I was careful. How could they not think of the babies when they designed the restroom?!

I complain to Ginger about it as soon as I get to the table. And baby poops again. I head back to the restroom, after my husband swears there is nowhere to change a diaper in the men's room. I have my doubts. Also, I have only one baby wipe.

Well, after all of that, everything went well, baby was fairly content, smiling at the plates that hung on the walls. I still can't believe there was no diaper changing station! But - OH, I forgot to check the handicapped stall. I bet there was one inside the handicapped stall! And that's when Ginger says, "Oh, there was one in there, now that you mention it."

The Janitor

2005-03-02T10:52:00.000-08:00

I have been subsituting for my sister as a janitor in a bank this week. Because I am insane. The reason it pays so much is because it is something nobody wants to do. Including me. She's on vacation for two weeks and I thought it was a small favor to clean the place - it only takes her two hours a night. It takes me longer. Sometimes twice as long.

Anyway, enough whining. When she comes back from her vacation, I will gladly hand the keys back and think of it no more.

What is funny about this office is that to a janitor, people have identities based on what the janitor can gather about them when they are not in their cubicle. So we have "blue lint lady" - "the cracker guy", etc. If you work in a cubicle, perhaps you should give this some thought. What is your "janitor nickname"?

I have been trying to decide what mine would be. Based on what my desk looks like right now, it might be something like "The lady whose desk we never have to clean because we can't see it." I'm sure there's a way to shorten that, and that would be my nickname. I'm so glad that we don't permanently rename people like American Indians did.

2005-02-09T15:07:00.000-08:00

Well, forget about the idea I had of separating my blogs by subject. I may never have a separate blog about being a parent with ADHD. How naiive of me to think that I would have a life other than being a parent. I don't even have time to have ADD anymore!

So much for the separate blogs. Mostly it's the annoyance of having to compartmentalize my posts, when I can't even organize my thoughts well enough to order from a menu, etc. The lack of sleep is something you hear about, but wow, it's really something.

No wonder people have more than one child on purpose. The whole experience is set up to make you forget the bad stuff. If you are so sleep deprived that you can't remember your child's first year, of course you feel that you want another baby - but that feeling is does not come from missing out on anything. You just can't remember any of it when it's over.

I watched the birth video - another period of time during which the brain is bombarded with hormones to make you forget. And thank goodness the lighting was bad so I can't see much of anything on the video. Plus, my mom managed to shoot the whole thing with the camcorder turned to one side. It discourages repeat viewings.

This week we experienced baby's first cold, which was truly horrible. She cried for an entire day, barely sleeping or eating. It seemed like she thought I should do something to help her, because that's what babies expect from their mothers. If your diaper is poopy, she's the one you yell at. Then she fixes the problem. Well, I couldn't fix the problem and it took her an entire day to give up on the yelling. And it made feel like I was responsible. This is where I feel OK about it because, unlike me, she will remember NOTHING about this time of her life. I wonder what's up with that. She's getting enough sleep.

3 Weeks Later, I Have Time To Blog

2005-01-09T20:47:00.000-08:00

I had the baby on Dec 19th. We named her Kendra Ann. She was 5 days early. Of course, I wasn't ready because I never am. And she came early. But that's OK.

The day I went into labor I was so busy doing things that I didn't really think I was going into labor. Never mind that I'd been having minor contractions all day. The cashier at Fred Meyer said I didn't look so good, and for some reason I was on a frantic search for apples (couldn't find them at a decent price though) and I thought it was very important to buy steel wool scouring pads because they had been on my shopping list for too long and I HAD TO GET THEM OFF THE LIST (could have been a sign of the nesting instinct gone bad). Then I went home and finished working on the baby's room, and then I started reading a pregnancy book with all the urgency of cramming for finals. I decided I was in labor at about 1:30 am.

It only took about 7 hours from that time until the baby was born. It's a good thing that my mom was there because I probably would not have gone to the hospital when I was supposed to. Everything I had read made it seem like it would take hours more than it did. I didn't sleep at all that night - she was born at 8:36 am. Then I stayed awake all day. I just couldn't sleep, I guess it was a little too exciting to turn around and go to sleep.

So, how bad was labor? It's funny that I remember it was bad, but apparently there's some sort of hormone or something that happens that makes a woman forget. Sort of like anesthesia that lets you experience the pain at the moment, only to forget about it later on. I haven't exactly forgotten, but I don't really care that it hurt either.

The timing was perfect - my husband's vacation started the day before the baby was born, and he had two weeks off from work.

For the last three weeks, my days have been full of unrelenting child care. For the most part, I'm enjoying being a mom. Especially at first, it was fascinating just looking at her, taking it all in. By the end of the day, though, I've usually had enough ;-). I can only entertain myself for so many hours on end. Right now, Kendra does not provide much feedback. When I sing the Miss America song to her, she just spits up instead of appreciating how I change the lyrics.

I have no schedule anymore, but I'm trying. Lately, I have been getting out of bed at about 11:00 or noon. Then I take a couple of naps during the day. The baby wakes up 2 or 3 times a night. I don't think I should be so tired, since I have been sleeping about 14 hours a day! But I guess I'm still recovering from the pregnancy.

The "important stuff" is slowly getting done - paying the bills and dealing with medical insurance and appointments. There's not much going on these days, and for now that's a good thing. The only thing that worries me is that, somehow, I have to get my taxes done before the deadline! Oh, and I've got to resume doing everything in my life just like I did before the baby came. Or come as close as I can to it. This is cause for concern, because this is me in charge. Wish me luck.

60 minutes: ADD Grows Up

2004-12-09T08:40:00.000-08:00

Funny, I thought Andy Rooney was the only one who did commentary on 60 minutes. This story about ADD might as well have been one of his pieces. http://www.cbsnews.com/stories/2004/12/03/60minutes/main658996.shtml

After seeing this report, I will never again feel sorry for making up any sort of fact that suits me in my writing, because apparently it is standard practice. The report is pretty biased, including the statement that ADHD is not seen as often in countries such as Germany, or Japan, or Britain.

It did get me to thinking, though. Are the drug manufacturers being too aggressive? Perhaps they are: "You'd have to be in a coma not to respond yes to many of those questions," says Hallowell. "But the point of a screening test is to bring in as many people as you can."

What they don't give enough positive attention to is the fact that when a person truly has ADHD, medication can be a good thing.

We all know that the "skill is not in the pill," as ADDers are taught to chant these days. But without the pill, the skill is that much harder to learn (and retain for later use). Ultimately, the decision to use medication is highly personal. I respect that people all have their own timing on this issue, and that some of them will never want to try medication. I just wish that these reports didn't make it seem like a crime to use them. They create a stigma for those who make the choice to use medication, and they intensify the fears of people like David Neeleman, who is afraid that the medications "may kind of cure me or something and then I'd be like everybody else." What people forget when they take this view is that if you try medication, then you know what it's like. If you don't like being on medication, you can stop taking it. If you put all the emotions aside, that's what it boils down to.

It's Good Enough

2004-12-03T20:59:00.000-08:00

As I wait, and rather impatiently, I might add, to give birth, I am trying to get everything done in advance. It's as if I'm getting ready to be away for a very long time, because I won't be able to do much more than take care of the baby for awhile. Even now, I'm pretty limited in my energy. And whatever mental powers I used to have are all but gone. Whoever said that ADHD symptoms improve during pregnancy was lying. Maybe this vicious rumor comes from the makers of Adderall or Ritalin, so that we will reproduce and they will increase their sales? ;-)

I quit working at the end of October, so we are living on my husband's income, which means we are broke until I am able to work again. My initial reaction to being broke has always been to stay at home - not wanting to spend money, my tendency is not to leave the house at all.

When I feel this way, it's my cue to get moving, because it distracts me from the negativity of the situation. Being active can also help me find solutions to problems - and if I don't come up with anything, at least I wasn't hanging around the house all day. It seems to lower my stress level. Even if the only thing I can do is make a phone call or run an errand, I want to keep moving. Which is hard to do when I've nearly doubled my dress size!

The only way I can get much done at this point is by teaming up with someone. It feels kind of pathetic, but at least I know that if I make arrangements to meet someone, I'll go somewhere. If I bring my husband with me, I'll actually leave the house to go shopping. If I talk to someone on the phone, I'll clean something at home. I don't think I've ever functioned at such a low level before, and I'm grateful that at least, I know that I must team up with someone so that I can keep up with certain things.

Dr Phil - more than just my opinion

2004-11-12T13:05:00.000-08:00

I found this article - editorial style - about Dr Phil and his show on ADHD. http://biz.yahoo.com/prnews/040930/nyth168_1.html

This article is more negative than my review of the show. I'm glad to know that I wasn't the only one who was concerned about the impact it would have.

I know that if I'd seen that show years ago, it probably would have added months, if not years, to the time it took me to get treatment for ADHD.

Read the article, and feel free to post your thoughts here.

I'd Really Love To See You Tonight

2004-10-28T17:28:00.000-07:00

Ah, it's finally gone away. I swear it lasted for about 2 weeks this time. Sometimes I'll get a song STUCK in my head and it won't go away no matter how much I hate it. This time it was "I'd Really Love To See You Tonight". I don't know who sings it, or what year it came out, but it just about drove me insane.

Let me share what it's like:

Hello, yeah, it's been awhile.
Not much. How 'bout you?
I'm not sure why I called,
I guess I really just wanted to talk to you.
And I was thinkin' maybe later on
we could get together for awhile.

It's been such a long time and I really do miss your smile.
I'm not talkin' 'bout movin' in
and I don't wanna change your life
but there's a warm wind blowin' the stars around
and I'd really love to see you tonight.

We could go walkin' through a windy park,
take a drive along the beach
or stay at home and watch TV,
you see it really doesn't matter much to me.

I'm not talkin' 'bout movin' in
and I don't wanna change your life
but there's a warm wind blowin' the stars around
and I'd really love to see you tonight.

I won't ask for promisesso you don't have to lie.
We've both played that game before,
say I love you then say goodbye.

I'm not talkin' 'bout movin' in
and I don't wanna change your life
but there's a warm wind blowin' the stars around
and I'd really love to see you tonight. (repeat & fade)

*************

Now you can see why I'm so glad that's over! Not that there's anything really awful about the song. It's just that every time I turned around, I was humming or singing it. It kind of reminds me of when we were moving, all my stuff was packed away, and the only cassette tape I could get to was a single of New Kids On The Block "Hangin Tough." A single! Of New Kids On The Block! You know what? That was probably worse than what I've endured these last two weeks.

I always have music playing in my head. Usually, it just skips around from one song to another, without annoying the heck out of me. This is very common, I gather, among ADD people. If you have yet to experience it, maybe just sing those lyrics a few hundred times. Or you could visit this link: http://www.pediatricneurology.com/sound.htm No wonder we're distracted!

I also have a song that I hum when I'm anxious, presumably to calm myself down. It's called "It Really Doesn't Matter" (from George Michael's "Older" album). When I hear myself humming it, it's sometimes my first cue that something IS the matter.

Well, I guess there isn't much point to this post but there's a warm wind blowin' the stars around
and I'd really love to see you tonight.

Personal Space

2004-10-23T10:13:00.000-07:00

My pregnant belly is outside of my personal space now. I say this because people have started touching it - without asking first. I must be so big that they consider my belly to be in their personal space. What's funny is that, aside from my mother (who has more leeway than I give most people) these are people I barely know.

I know they don't have any ill will, but it's weird being touched on the belly. I'm more used to the occasional arm-touching on social occasions. Maybe a hug. Not a belly pat. When you think about where the belly is located - above and below two areas that are off-limits in polite interactions - maybe that's where my defensiveness comes from.

You'd probably think that I would feel that my belly was sticking way out, but it doesn't feel that way at all. My muscles can still tighten somewhat, so strangely enough everything still feels normal at this point. I guess that makes it that much more difficult to see myself as others see me, because when I'm not looking, I forget that I'm kind of big. That's when I let my defenses down and get touched.

As of the 24th, I'll be two months away from the due date.

The belly-touching is only going to get worse. But at least it's Fall, so I can add more layers of clothing. It's some sort of defense when I go out in public.

ADD Conference

2004-10-13T21:48:00.000-07:00

I just got back from an ADD Conference in Tukwilla, WA. Ginger and her mom went too. The conference is (I think) a new format for the group, ADD Resources. They used a high school with an auditorium. There were about 400 people if I remember right.

In the AM session, there was one speaker. The first day was Kathleen Nadeau and the second day was Ned Hallowell. Both were very good. In the afternoons, we were left to fend for ourselves, with two mix and match segments to decide on, from a whole list of subjects that were being discussed in various classrooms. I felt annoyed that only "the professionals" got to hear what Nadeau and Hallowell said in the afternoon. What is a "professional"? Is a coach a professional? Now I suppose we might have been able to attend, but we thought that it was probably intended for doctors and therapists. Anyway, we went to the breakout sessions because, as it turns out, there were a couple of sessions that sounded pretty interesting.

I ended up in a couple of really bad afternoon sessions, but luckily I chose one good one and one bad one for each day. The first day I went to "Women With ADD" but the speaker said, "Nadeau said everything that I was going to say, so why don't you ladies tell us about yourselves?" That took about 45 minutes going around the room, after which about 3 women dominated the conversation. I was so bored but I didn't really want to walk out.

I ended up staying, but I tuned out of most of the conversation and doodled on my notebook, drawing random shapes and writing "slowly dying of boredom," "5,4,3,2,1," and things like that. Then I went to a good session that was about Boundaries: Where You End and I Begin. The speaker was Don Baker, MA (Seattle area http://www.donbakerma.com/). I am very sensitive to other people's emotions, especially negative ones, and have to fight the urge to want to make them happy. But I was intrigued by the opposite problem that was mentioned in the session: that of not being able to tell when you are intruding on someone.

The next day, the afternoon session was selected rather hastily and I ended up at "Self-Care in the Midst of Chaos." Bad mistake. I ditched it after about 20 minutes. The lady who was in charge wanted us to close our eyes, breathe and relax. Then she said that we should talk about what our deepest yearning was, or for those who weren't interested in talking about it, we could write it down. I am just not "into" that approach. In fact our coaching philosophy at considercoaching.com is "no touchy-feely". That means that we respect people's boundaries - note the above paragraph! When I could take it no longer, I ran for the door when her back was turned. My deepest yearning was to get out of that classroom!

Dr Phil's "Parenting With Pills"

2004-10-02T13:22:00.000-07:00

I caught wind of the Wednesday's Dr Phil - Parenting With Pills. Oh, if only it were that easy.....

It was a trainwreck. It's the kind of thing that you know is bad, but you just can't look away. First of all, they featured, I think 3 families. Three families in one show - is it possible to get any benefits from a 10-minute conversation with Dr Phil?

They also crammed in the author of a book called The ADD Solution (oh great, another solution). And they crammed in some teachers wanted a chance to explain why they want these kids on drugs at school (parents want alternatives but these parents expect the school to come up with alternatives, why should we have to put up with these unmedicated kids?)

In the middle of some medication-bashing, Dr Phil says that since he's not an MD and can't/doesn't prescribe these meds, he can't really address medication problems. This is after he perpetuates a few myths, namely, that ADD is "way over-diagnosed", that parents are the most to blame for their kids' having ADD, and that a medicated kid is generally a sign of a lazy parent.

I don't agree that you can "commando parent" a child who has ADD - not with any lasting success. I know that "commando parenting" would have made only a slight difference in my symptoms when I was a child, and it may have made ADD symptoms worse. A little pressure makes ADD symptoms seem to lessen because of the stimulation an ADDer can get from it. But too much pressure just causes the ADD brain to shut down.

There is, of course, a difference between ADD behavior and just plain bad manners (or, to be fair, a co-occuring conduct disorder). Unfortunately every kid that was shown on video during this show was shown losing their temper and screaming at their parents. This is not ADD in my opinion. My parents would never have let me or my siblings treat them this way. This did not prevent me and one of my brothers from having ADD, however.

I am left wondering what happens to these people after they appear on Dr Phil's show. I hope there is some followup with these families because what I saw on this show was not very helpful to the families. What he did tell them - to be consistent about rules and not to argue in front of the kids - was good advice, but it didn't go far enough.

Worries and Complaints

2004-09-26T21:37:00.000-07:00

This is the funniest thing I've seen about pregnancy yet! The email from BabyCenter.com says, "Share tips on how to relieve your symptoms with other expectant moms on our Worries and Complaints bulletin board."

When you visit the site, you can read this announcement: If you feel like venting, The Venting Hour Chat meets 10 p.m. PST every Wednesday evening.

Something tells me these people are not finding their "happy place."

It's good to have a place that people can vent, worry and complain. Not that I post on that board. I have a blog after all. I can vent whenever I want, courtesy of Blogger.

Once my baby is born, though, I'm going to contain all of the baby sort of posts to another blog. I'm calling it Detour. The blog is called Detour, not the baby. The baby still doesn't have a name. But at least I've got my blogging future figured out!

Turning 30

2004-09-15T21:28:00.000-07:00

So a lot of my friends are turning 30 now, and I am not exempt from this. Some people get really freaked out about turning 30 but I don't think that I will be. For one thing, becoming a mom makes me feel a lot older than anything else could.

Maybe it's the combination of turning 30 and becoming a mother that has me so shell shocked that I seem to not care. But really, why should being 30 be any worse than being 29 and 11/12ths of a year old, which I am right now? So I don't think it will bother me much.

I'm actually excited about getting older - not excited about gray hair, cellulite and wrinkles - but excited that my increasing age implies (but doesn't guarantee) that I will have learned from my mistakes and maybe not make them again. Or at least, not make them as often as I used to.

On a side note, I've been reading the blog called "Story of a Toddler" at www.ironycentral.com. Be warned that he does use a bit of bad language. But for some reason, I can't look away... It's way too funny.

Girl Names

2004-08-25T20:36:00.000-07:00

Oh yeah, I forgot to post about the ultrasound.... It's a girl! So I guess the intuition of my entire family was right. I'm more excited about this now that I've seen the baby - a real baby! That's much more exciting than what I was thinking about before the ultrasound, namely, that I'm getting fat, my joints ache, and I don't know how we can take this financial hit. Seeing the baby was a really good thing for me.

Last time I saw her on ultrasound, she was a head and a stomach with little nubs for arms and legs. I think there were fingers. But not much to see.

Now we get down to the business of choosing a name. We have four months to go. This is not an easy thing, you see, because my husband and I normally agree on NOTHING. He has been uncooperative and opinionated about projects with me since we were planning our wedding 11 years ago. And yeah, I know that it takes one to know one :-).

My mom tells the story of the coat that she was going to buy for me when I was two years old, but I hated it SO MUCH that she let me choose something else. I chose a plain, ordinary-looking coat. No frills, just a normal coat. Definitely not a princess coat.

This is like the problem I am having with my husband. He wants our daughter to have a "cute" name. I want her to have a name that's feminine, but will give her more career options than "Princess" when she grows up.

I'm probably overidentifying with this issue because I grew up as "Jenny," which I dislike because it sounds like a little girl's name. That's the problem with "cute" names - little girls grow up.

Because of our lack of agreement on a name, I am afraid we will go home with a baby known as "baby girl (Last Name)". My sister did that last year, which was fine, of course. Because she did name her baby after a few days. But this is far more worrisome to me because it took us four months to name our dog. It's a dog.

At least we have four months to go before the baby is born.

National ADD Awareness Day

2004-08-25T20:27:00.000-07:00

Mark your calendars, it's coming up... on Sept 7. The date seemed familiar to me, then I remembered that it's the first day of school. National ADD Awareness Day (funny name for the day that recognizes the least aware group of people around, unless you count those who cannot function in society).

Now, on the surface it seems great to have a day for ADD Awareness, but I must say that it smells like a witch hunt to me. I mean, the first day of school, and we're having ADD Awareness Day? What do you think the teachers are going to do? Sniff out the hyper kids, that's what. Which is fine, but do we have to do it on the first day of school? I say there's enough pressure on the first day of school.

Once again, they didn't consult me. :-)

The Comfortable Part Is Now Over

2004-08-16T19:42:00.000-07:00

This is the news I got in a recent email from BabyCenter or some such retail hub that markets to expectant mothers. "The comfortable part of your pregnancy is now over..." Wonderful. Not that I hadn't noticed. If I do too much vacuuming, my bones start to work their way out of place, and that of course hurts. This is due to a hormone that makes the joints loosen - all of them, not just those that need to loosen in preparation for birth.

My poor husband has only just begun to run out of room in our bed, because I now require a body pillow. And lots of room. I'm not really that big yet, but I need the room anyway. There's still plenty of room for him on the couch. Perhaps for him, the comfortable part is now over.

So on Wednesday we have the ultrasound, and hopefully our spawn won't insist on crossing it's legs or covering its private parts with its hands. Because we want to see those private parts. We won't ever want to see them again, and that's really too bad considering how many times we will have to see those parts until it is toilet trained.

I suspect it's a girl. But of course, I've never done this before. I'm only basing it on the fact that we want a girl. And I had a dream shortly after I found out I was pregnant that I was trying to walk past a little girl and no matter what I tried, she moved to block me. I had to slow down and go the same speed she was going, because I couldn't get past her. It still ticks me off when I think about it. But what a dream/metphor for an unplanned pregnancy, eh?

So we are now going on 5 months of the unauthorized use of my uterus. It is SO going to be grounded when it comes out.

A Rant About Day Planners

2004-08-07T17:43:00.000-07:00

WHY can I not find a decent day planner anywhere? By decent I mean:

Under $75
Colorful on the inside, not just the outside
Saturday and Sunday have the same amount of space as a weekday
Pages are dated (I always mess up when I'm filling in the dates of undated pages)
Not a school-year planner

Maybe I'm in the minority because the only planners that I find interesting (at first) are made for children. So, should I just resign myself to using calendars that start in September? Maybe it's worth tolerating some Justin Timberlake trivia in order to have some color on a planner page? Last year I couldn't bring myself to buy a student planner. Deep down I'm afraid someone's going to tell me, "Silly rabbit, Trix are for kids!" But I'm really quite tempted....

Funerals

2004-07-17T21:00:00.000-07:00

I went to a memorial service today. It's always interesting. I mean, it's sad and all, but interesting. I always wonder why services are held as soon as possible after the death. Maybe it's because the family is all there anyway. If you have the service that weekend, no one has to make another trip for the service. Also, if it were allowed by society to have the service (assuming the body was cremated), say, a month later, there would be quite a few people who would never get a service because someone would procrastinate. I'd hate to go to my grave with that on my conscience.

There was a bring-a-dish reception afterwards. This is also an interesting phenomenon. When my grandfather died, I thought it was downright odd that everyone made casseroles and pies in response. But that's what people do. I guess it's just that you don't know what to do. So you make a casserole. It's better than doing nothing.

Once you get to the gathering place with the food, it's pretty much like any other social occasion, only without the games. I guess that funeral games just wouldn't be appropriate.

2004-07-06T17:14:00.000-07:00

Over the weekend I spent some time with my 4 year old niece. She likes for me to play with toys with her. It's kind of boring to do it her way, so I do it my way. When her baby doll was sick and needed to go to the hospital, instead of just going along with it, I told her that she needed to bring a check for the copay at the hospital. This seemed reasonable to her, so she went to Grandma's office and tried to get a check. My brother stopped her. Then there was some screaming and crying and stuff.

I thought that she would just pretend to have a check for the doctor. Well, someone drew a fake check for her on a piece of paper and then she was happy.

Then it was dinnertime and she wasn't hungry. Finally, her mom told her that if she didn't eat her dinner, she wouldn't get any chocolate pie for dessert. All of a sudden, she was hungry! This I don't quite understand. If a child refuses to eat, we should threaten not to feed them in the future? What's really sad is that they usually fall for it. I'm watching and learning.

2004-06-28T22:55:00.000-07:00

Big

I felt the need to buy items of large clothing today since I am growing out of all the stuff that I bought a few weeks ago - the stuff that I thought would last me awhile. There is a lack of decent options for maternity clothing so I was looking in larger women's sizes of non-maternity clothing. I had decided that I needed several big, if not gigantic, items of clothing. Given the increasing size of the average American, this should not have been hard to pull off. But apparently they beat me to the clothing racks.

Upon reflection, though, I realized where I could probably find a big pair of sweatpants, a big zip-up sweatshirt, along with various other big items of clothing: BIG K-Mart! So I checked it out and found most of what I was looking for.

The maternity section at Big K-Mart consisted of three racks of clothing, with each garment being surprizingly unattractive. As I shopped, I witnessed several pregnant women hopefully checking the clothing in the maternity secion, only to be disappointed. That's because I beat them to the clothing racks.

When I am looking at maternity clothes I make a variety of faces, mostly for my own entertainment. These facial expressions range anywhere from disgust to amusement at the things clothing designers expect pregnant women to wear. But then I realize that I DON'T LIKE ANYTHING THEY HAVE AND I'M RUNNING OUT OF ROOM IN HERE, and the panic sets in. Lifelong, dearly held fashion principles are compromised by pregnant women, and I finally understand why, as the alternative to buying these horrible clothes is running around in a housedress, which is fashion suicide. I actually found myself remarking to a friend, "This tank top isn't too objectionable. I would be willing to wear it!"

Hopefully my maternity clothing shopping days are almost over, since I now have everything I need to get by, except for a gigantic skirt and a gigantic coat. If there's a Gigantic K-Mart anywhere, I suppose I should check there first....

2004-06-20T00:31:00.000-07:00

George Michael

So I've been watching George Michael on his various television appearances lately, and I noticed some irregularities with his performance on the Today Show. Since I have reliable information that he's a perfectionist control freak, I am surprized that this happened. I have to tell what I noticed, because who doesn't like to see a perfectionist control freak mess up? Be honest with yourself. But since you missed the performance, I must describe it to you.

George always sings the same songs when he appears live: Father Figure, Freedom '90, and Faith (if he has to sing a third song). These are all songs that start with F. Interesting, I never noticed it before.

Anyway, since he has a new album out, he apparently feels compelled to sing a song from it, instead of Freedom '90. However, he doesn't sing it. He lip syncs to the new song, Amazing, after singing Father Figure. This is where it gets fun to watch. Because really, it is fun to watch someone lip sync, isn't it? It's even more fun if you know the song better than they do. That doesn't make me obsessed, only very observant, ahem.

So he's pretending to sing. The backup singers are live, which is a nice touch. And it dawns on me, this song fades out at the end! Vocals and all! The last line is "And the devil inside tells you to give up....." fading out quite noticably at the end. I wait to see what he's going to do. The song gets to that last line, and it sounds like this: "And the devil inside (and what a brilliant idea: his microphone is switched on.....NOW!) TELLS YOU TO GIVE UP." The effect was about as subtle as when someone suddenly turns the stereo off when you are singing along. Oh jeez. I should have felt bad for him, but instead, I laughed and laughed. And then I posted a blog entry about it. I guess I still have some growing up to do.

2004-06-16T11:21:00.000-07:00

Too Much Information

So I've been reading up on my impending doom: The Mother of all Pregnancy Books, The Girlfriend's Guide to Pregnancy, etc. Why do I think I should read this stuff? There is way too much information in these books. When I receive bad news, I always prefer to have it sprung on me at the last minute. So I don't think I'm going to read about it anymore.

But first, I must mock A Child Is Born, because it is my nature to do such things. First off, this is NOT a coffee table book. To say the least. The book's cover makes it seem as if it is full of pictures taken in utero. There are a several of these pictures, but I guess they didn't have that many when this book was written, so they filled the rest of the book with the Story of How Babies Are Made, with chapters titled The Woman and the The Man. It reminds me of Health class in school.

Next is the Ovulation chapter. This is where it gets interesting. There is a picture of a Doomed Couple walking on the beach, having a talk during which they decide to have a baby. There is also a picture of an ovary.

"Fertilization". Here's a funny quote: "Unaware of events in the depths of her body, the young woman and her partner rejoice in their love." Then there are the pictures of cells dividing, etc, etc, followed by some nasty birth pictures.

As someone with whom I identify a great deal once said, "God positioned certain things to point away from your head for a reason. No, I don't want a mirror." And so I choose to ignore the impending reality as if it were all pointed away from my head. I do, after all, prefer to receive all bad news at the last possible minute.

2004-06-08T22:40:00.000-07:00

Hmm, well things have been slow lately. Morning sickness started with a vengeance at week 7. Now I'm at week 12. The nausea has eased up a little.

Eating is my new hobby. I have very little clothing that fits me anymore. I have been wearing clothing that used to be too big for me - like those shorts I bought without trying them on first. They were always way too big - not now. I'm gonna get my money's worth!

My sister gave me some maternity clothes but I can't really wear them yet. Maternity clothes look really stupid on me right now.

In other news, I have figured out what the deal is with that guy "Jack" with the big white head in the Jack in the Box commercials. He's supposed to BE the Jack in the Box!!! Dang! At this rate I will have the whole world figured out in, like, 1,000,000,000 years. I wish somebody would write a book called "stuff you don't know" because I would buy it.

2004-05-07T11:04:00.000-07:00

What to Expect When You When You Didn't Expect Anything

The reason for my long absence from blogging? I am pregnant! If you're suprized, just imagine how I felt. For those of you who don't know me well, I am (was) a confirmed childless person. I had no interest whatsoever in reproducing. I was practicing birth control very carefully. But things don't always go as planned!

I found out about this on April 26th. The pregnancy test I bought has two lines, the first one being the one that tells you if you are pregnant or not. I thought that maybe the other line would come first - the "fake" line that confirms that yes, there is enough urine in the test strip. But, no. I had to get the "news" that much earlier. I really am kind of bitter about that test. I would have liked to have a warm-up line to get started.

So I have been adjusting (i.e, freaking out) for the last couple of weeks. I have been experiencing nausea but I don't know that it's all morning sickness. Most of it is morning sickness. The rest of it is "OH MY GOD!" At least my husband wanted children before this, so he's not freaking out.

I have to eat every two hours or I feel sick. Even at night, since humans sleep in cycles of about an hour and half, I wake up at the end of each sleep cycle to pee, and that's enough wakefulness that my stomach says, "time to eat"! I guess I've already started with the nighttime feedings. Thankfully, babies have sleep cycles of an hour and a half too. (Update: no they don't. Try 45 minutes to an hour! When does the hurting stop?!) It's the one saving grace in all of this as I contemplate how I'm going to get through the next couple of years.

I'm due around Dec 24th, which means that I'm just finishing up Week 7. The way weeks are counted is starting with the first day of your last period, so I've only been pregnant for about 5 weeks. At the end of the 12th week, it becomes a fetus. Before that, it is an embryo. Moving up in the world, aren't we? "I'm a fetus! Respect me now!"

I'm giving praise to low-rise pants, the only clothing I can still fasten around myself.

So that's what's going on here.

2004-04-21T09:17:00.000-07:00

Heads Up If you are ever tempted to go to freemovietickets.com, don't. My mom thought she could get free movie tickets after she saw something about it on TV, and not only did she NOT get free movie tickets, I now get emails that appear to be from her but are actually advertisements from freemovietickets.com. She thought it was legit so she gave them my email address.

2004-04-16T10:26:00.000-07:00

Site Statistics Yo-Yo Around April 15th Deadline
Funny, I was checking the site statistics for StayWithMeHere.com, and before the tax deadline we had an unbelievable surge of activity! I figure that the ADDers were "doing their taxes" on the 14th and ended up at our site somehow. Then on the 15th, we had a grand total of one visitor! We're back to normal today, the 16th. It's my guess that almost every ADDer was hard at work on their taxes on the 15th. Typical. :-)

2004-04-14T09:35:00.000-07:00

Spring Backward: A One-Two Punch to Your Body Clock

I am still reeling from the change to Daylight Saving Time. I got a newsletter in my inbox (www.apollohealth.com) that says (regarding people with delayed circadian rhythm), "DST hits us twice as hard since it not only robs us of that hour of precious morning light, but the added evening light sends the wrong signal to our Supra-chaismatic Nucleus to further delay our body clock. For most people who suffer from SAD or circadian rhythm problems, the effect of DST is much worse than losing an hour. Experts estimate that DST can throw our body clock off by three to four hours." Ugh!

Of course there are things that can be done. But since I don't want to rip off the entire newsletter, you'll have to go there and read it yourself. Or subscribe, because they don't post the current issue on their site right away.

Then I started to read one of my many, many books... Sleep Thieves (found it at the used book store) that car accidents go up 7% after DST. I am seriously considering avoiding unneccessary driving next year, for like a week after DST! This is for two reasons: I avoid driving on big party nights like New Year's Eve, because there are more drunk drivers out there. Sleepy drivers aren't much better, if at all, than drunk drivers. Also, I would be one of those sleepy drivers! That's no good!

Now that a week and a half has passed, I've gone from being unable to sleep until about 1 am to sleeping at 10 or 11pm. So I'd say that I've mostly adjusted to the change. Those of you who live in my city can relax.

Keep Out of Reach of Pets and Livestock

2004-04-10T12:00:00.000-07:00

I just finished reading "Thinking In Pictures," written by the autistic author Temple Grandin. In her commentary on medication, she mentions that medications are being used in the treatment of mood disorders affecting animals. Who knew?

Tegratol can control aggression in dogs. Beta-blockers can reduce fear in animals. This really got my attention, because what if you could drug wild animals and then ride them? You could put a salt/Prozac lick out on the African plains. Then you could ride a zebra! Of course, then the zebras wouldn't be afraid of lions anymore. Some of my ideas are duds, oh well.

What To Do With All That Silicone

2004-03-24T10:07:00.000-08:00

If you have been shopping for kitchen utensils lately, you may have noticed the abundance of silicone. There are silicone spatulas, silicone potholders, silicone jar openers - find something that used to plastic; it's now made out of silicone. Heat resistant! Flexible! Available in designer colors! Why this great breakthrough in kitchen technology?

You're probably way ahead of me: silicone breast implants have gone the way of the dodo. What were the manufacturers to do but foist that silicone (in designer colors) upon the public? (Think about THAT while you're stirring your oatmeal.)

Besides, industry is always looking for a new product. How else are they going to sell us more stuff? Getting us to replace the items we've already bought from them is better than waiting for those items to wear out so that they can sell us the same thing.

You know what's funny about repeat business: people begin to trust the brand. This is after we have purchased the same item from them, over and over, mainly because it has come out in a new color. Why do we begin to trust these companies?!

And so I end up thinking the same thing that I always think when I realize I've been had: How do I learn from this, so that I can do it too?

No News is Good News

2004-03-02T21:56:00.000-08:00

I am very very very very very very happy. I am about to quit the newspaper route that I share with my sister-in-law (she's quitting too.) Here's to quitting! Although this job has served a purpose (the acquiring of money), I wonder if it was worth it. But only because I am a burned-out shell of what I was when I started the route.

Not that there haven't been some good times. Like when people would hand us tips just for being the good little newspaper carriers that we were. Well...we tried to be. With a route of 250, a little AD/HD goes a long way. There were lots of special trips to deliver missed papers. Just about everybody on the route was spared a delivery at some point in the 4 months we have spent doing this.

Ah, the memories..... the yard alien.... with a squirrel on his shoulder. I am planning on taking a picture tomorrow, which I will then share with the world via my web site.

We were awarded non-working flashlights for new subscriptions we sold. Later, the same flashlights were offered to the general public in advertisements that promised a free flashlight with each new subscription. The line they used? "Don't get caught in the dark!"

That was followed by another remarkable advertising campaign featuring the "comic-strip umbrella." The caption: "Don't get caught in the rain!" Who thinks this stuff up?

Then there was the day that an old lady started screaming bloody murder as we drove by her house. I slowed down to see if she needed help. She came to her doorway and yelled, "I never did anything to you!" Then a man came to the door and waved us on. From then on, every time we delivered their paper, we'd say, "I never did anything to you!" But as it became more routine, it was more like, 383, check. I never did anything to you, check. 550, check.

There was the hellish special delivery of the Thanksgiving Edition - after midnight we realized (midway through the route) that we didn't have enough papers to finish. We went back to the loading dock, but nobody was there to help us out of our predicament (evidence that there were no Oompaloompas being held captive there, as it had seemed to me). We got up very early the next morning to finish the route.

I could go on, but I am sure you get the idea. I'm just not coming up with any particularly good memories. Maybe I should change the subject. Oh yeah - I'm very very very very very very happy.

2004-02-14T09:45:00.000-08:00

So a couple of days ago I watched this program on TV (Yes, I watched TV for once.... It's the only way I get to spend time with my husband). Anyway.... It was a news-type program about a diamond heist. Some people stole gobs and gobs of diamonds from the Diamond District in.... Antwerp? They had to have spent years planning it.

The news program went on to give step-by-step instructions on how to crack the safe and bypass all of the alarm systems, even the failsafe alarm in the vault. Good info for those looking to get into a new profession.

The police would have no suspects at all, except for the fact that this crazy guy who owned a patch of forest had the habit of checking the entire property for trash daily. What a hobby!

The criminals left bags of trash - evidence - on his property. Of all the luck! He proceeded to rummage through the bags, recognized the diamond packaging, and called the police. This led to the arrest of one person.

So my first thought as I watched this was, Why does every elite criminal want to steal diamonds? It's so cliche! We never see hour-long programs about stolen rubies. Maybe nobody thinks to steal them. Nobody really cares about rubies. If there was a big ruby heist, I doubt the authorities would bother to look for the criminals with the same intensity as they look for diamond thieves. It surely wouldn't make international news.

That being said, here's another thought: These thieves probably came home from work and spent every evening for years and years working on their brilliant plan. Think of all the hours and effort involved! Why didn't they just work double shifts and invest the extra money? Then they wouldn't have all of those hot diamonds to unload!!!

I guess all of this means I'm not a criminal mastermind. Which is fine with me, because it's a lot easier to sit back and criticize someone else's work.

2004-02-13T11:33:00.000-08:00

Ugh, I have been sick for almost a week. If you were here, you could delight in hearing my husband coughing, punctuated by my nose-blowing. We make a good team sometimes.

Ginger and I have been working on www.ConsiderCoaching.com and of course, we have no recent pictures of ourselves, other than the goofy ones on the Blogs page at StayWithMeHere. So I chose, in place of actual pictures, to display drawings of women who resemble us in a "hastily drawn police sketch" sort of way. Now if we go on a crime spree, the police sketch part will be ready to go.

2004-02-02T20:13:00.000-08:00

We aren't selling our house after all! The buyer showed good judgment and called off the deal. The document says, "Buyer, after reading over the entire whole house inspection (that's very redundant).......hereby disapproves of inspection and wishes to withdraw their offer to purchase home."

Whiner.

I have lived in this house for a long time, and it could be worse. Anyway, it looks like I will keep living here, although other people would apparently advise against it.

So the house is still on the market. It could sell, I suppose. But I bet it won't.

This is bad for the following reason. I have packed a lot of my stuff in anticipation of moving. Now, if I don't move, I still have to unpack. I have moved out of my house, and I possibly have to move back into the very same house. There's a word for that. I don't know what it is, but it's a bad word.

2004-01-24T10:21:00.000-08:00

We are selling our house! Maybe. The seller could back out at any time, and I would recommend it. But - it's her choice.

Meanwhile, I've been so busy that I haven't had much time for keeping up with my blog. Ginger and I have done some work on www.considercoaching.com (after we discovered, to our horror, that it has been listed with search engines and has a pretty good ranking - we never submitted it!), and I've updated a couple of things on www.staywithmehere.com.

One thing that has been bothering me about StayWithMeHere was that lots of people were getting to our site by searching for "closet organization tips." Which was weird, because we didn't have any. So, I made a page called - what else - Closet Organization Tips. You can find it by going to the "What's New" page - there are other ways to find it on the site, but that's one way. It works for me.

Real estate here is a "seller's market". People are building, building, building everywhere you look. It's easier to find an empty lot than a house. We've been combing neighborhoods for houses with "for sale by owner" signs.

I've gotten a few odd looks from people when we tell them we listed with a realtor, but hey, I don't know how to set up a real estate sale. I leave it to the professionals. That's about the only thing I leave to the professionals. Just about anything else, I'll give it a try on my own. Which can be very, very expensive. That's why we listed with a realtor.

Luckily, the seller of the lot that Ginger and her husband wanted to buy showed up to sign off on the property, so they won't have to live in a display home on the Manufactured Home lot. ;-).

2003-12-31T22:10:00.000-08:00

I looked at the Fly Lady site today - www.flylady.net. It's a gathering place for people who want to clean things. More, much more than most other people. It's also for people who would like to clean their house in systematic "baby steps". They have an email reminders list for people who wish to be nagged to clean their house from an electronic source.

This is going to seem horrible, but when I see at the FLY Lady, I imagine swatting her with a fly swatter! She's a FLY! I mean, flies are the type of things the FLY lady discourages, and yet she herself is a FLY. OK. Think of where flies come from. That will be your thought for the day, from me to you.

2003-12-04T22:35:00.000-08:00

Well, well, a spare minute or two! It's a good time for me to fill in my loyal reader (hi Barbie) on my recent garage sale.

The garage sale was something I did not want to do but, again, I needed money.

In years past I have given away all of my unwanted things. This is because the last garage sale I had went very, very badly. I made about $15.00. My sisters made a LOT more because they never give their valuable possessions away. By the end of that garage sale, years ago, my husband was upset that there had been strangers in his garage and walking on the grass (the lawn didn't look good again until the fall). I was disappointed over having wasted the entire day. I vowed never to have another garage sale.

But then a funny thing happened. I stopped by my sister's house when she was having a garage sale. I looked around and saw... oh yes! I used to own that! And that! And that as well! So I decided not to give away so much stuff.

In fact, when I had the garage sale, there was so much left over that I decided to have another one a couple of weeks later. I didn't make much money on the second garage sale. My friend Holly came out the clear winner on that one.

This is Holly's "take" on garage sale items: They are kind of like boogers. That is to say, when all of these items are pushed into the back corners of your house, in cupboards, etc - you don't necessarily mind or notice that they are there. But once you get them out, they are not going back in.

Since hearing this enlightening observation, I've been able to categorize my belongings a lot easier. Is it a booger or not? When I'm shopping for potential possessions I ask myself, "Will this item just transform itself into a booger once I take it home"?

Deepak Chopra, eat your heart out. Holly's better!

-Jennifer

2003-11-23T14:30:00.000-08:00

Oh great, it's been almost a month again since I've blogged about anything. This is because on Nov 3, I started a paper route. WHY on earth? Well, for the same reason anyone does things they don't want to do: money. Well, maybe there are other reasons people do things they don't want to do. Guilt, or love. Usually guilt from someone you love. But in this case, I definitely wanted money.

It's been a difficult process, learning all the houses on the route. For some reason, people are inconsiderate of the fact that I need access to their paper boxes, so they park in front of them. Or they park close enough to them that it causes problems for me.

There has been some slight damage to my car, i.e, I have lost a chunk of the left front hubcap. Also my left front fender has a scratch in it. Also my left mirror has a scratch on the back cover. This is because I have no concept of where my body is in space, let alone where my car is in space. Oh well. What's another dent?

My driving style has changed dramatically. This is because of two things. I am not getting paid by the hour, and I can drive on the wrong side of the road as long as I've got hazard lights flashing. I may have crossed a line from which I cannot return. The other day I double-parked at the library just to return a book in the wall slot. Just because I could! Those hazard lights are the best! And all this time, I've been ignoring them.

Hmmm.... well there is much more to say but I don't know when I'll have the time. So for now, I'll leave it at that. Some light banter, a lesson about driving, what more could you want for today anyway?

-Jennifer

2003-10-31T23:06:00.000-08:00

Here is a new idea I'm working on, and the story of how I arrived at it. I tell this story for the purpose of illustrating how I come up with ideas for StayWithMeHere.com.

I was half-asleep when I had this idea. This is how I get most of my ideas - at about 5 am, when I'm half-asleep. So they are not necessarily good. Sometimes when I'm fully awake, I look at my ideas and wonder why I got out of bed to write them down. But this is my process.

So on this occasion, I was thinking about "chinese handcuffs." I don't know why. But anyway, they used to have these at the school carnival. They were one of many inexpensive prizes given out to the unsuspecting childen. This is how they work: It's a woven cylinder. You put a finger into each end, and when you try to pull them back out, the "handcuffs" will squeeze your fingers. The harder you pull, the tighter they get. You can only get out of them by pushing your fingers closer together, so that the cylinder loosens. (Or as the case may be, pulling REALLY HARD until the cylinder comes apart. But that option does not suit my purpose at the moment.)

I thought the "handcuffs" were a good metaphor for the way we sometimes find ourselves trying harder, only to find out that the way out of a difficult situation was to do something that seemed counterintuitive.

Here's the problem I have with this illustration: I don't want to call them "chinese handcuffs" because what if that's not politically correct? I guess it would depend on whether the Chinese invented this device or not. If they invented/manufactured them, that would make them seem very smart. But if someone else invented them, it's a racial slur. Of course, I'm not going to do any research to find out.

So I was left with this idea that I thought had some merit, but I didn't want to use. I began to look for another way to use the main point - that counterintuitive actions have their place. It took me a few days, then (again, while I was asleep) it hit me: Wedgies!

Wedgies are very difficult to deal with. Because if you try to get away, it's not gonna be good - sort of like those "handcuffs," only much more disconcerting.

It gets even funnier when you consider that some people may not even be aware when they are the recipient of a "cosmic wedgie". They just keep doing the same things, only with more determination. You can see right away that by comparing their current experience to a wedgie, a whole new level of understanding might be reached. Plus, the word wedgie is funny. Wedgie wedgie wedgie.

So that's what's on the back burner at StayWithMeHere.com - another moment of enlightenment, thanks, in part, to the Chinese.

2003-10-31T22:33:00.000-08:00

Your thought for the day: If ants don't have antlers, why do deer get to have them?

2003-10-26T21:53:00.000-08:00

I just had company so my kitchen is really clean. I decluttered. It's so empty-looking now. Every time I walk in there, I can't help but think (just for a split-second), "I've been robbed!"

On Tuesday we are having the house appraised. I've never had a house appraised before. I remember other people freaking out about having their houses appraised though. I wonder if I should be freaking out? Should I at least paint something?

Maybe it's good enough that I decluttered the kitchen. Until I need to use the oven, it should look really nice in there. When I have to use the oven again, that's when the cast iron skillet of dread will have to come out of there. This a skillet I bought last winter - yup.

The problem with cast iron is that you have to season it before you can use it. I have a fundamental problem with that, because it is hard. I followed the directions and coated it with oil, then baked it in the oven. Then I thought I should wash it. This is where it gets difficult. I wash dishes by putting them in the dishwasher! So - in it went. I knew it wasn't wise, but I just wanted to see if I could get away with it.

So ever since then, I've had a rusty cast iron skillet on my kitchen counter. Well, that's not entirely true. When I know someone's coming over, I put it in the oven.

2003-10-04T10:48:00.000-07:00

I am starting to overcome my fear of libraries. I used to associate libraries with fees - I called it the "book rental place". But now that I have a PDA, I can set an alarm to remind me to turn in my books. Free book rentals!

Lately I discovered that they have videos at the library, including one that I have been wanting to see, "Outside In." It's very good. I watched it with Ginger at her house. It features several adults with ADD. One of them is a school principal who is working on her second PhD, one of them is a professional speaker who jumps around and talks very excitedly while on stage. He looked like one happy guy. Kids, you might get paid to be hyperactive someday!

Ginger also had a video from the library, "Picture of Health: Adults with ADD." Picture of Health is a series of videos on different subjects. So she popped it in the VCR, and within minutes we were mocking it, a la "Science Fiction Theater". If you are looking for a good video to mock, I highly recommend it. It's an interviewer and a Psychiatrist who works with adults with ADD, and it's very boring but still has a lot of good info. That's why we didn't turn it off, but in order to keep paying attention, we had to switch over to "Science Fiction Theater" mode.

I have wondered why we do this so often. Without warning, we will turn against any boring material in order to focus on it. And I think we've found the answer. Here's a link to a more detailed explanation:

http://www.docrotz.com/adhd_class1/Fidget%20to%20Focus%20Revised.pdf

Dr Roland Rotz believes that fidgeting and other disruptive things that ADDers do are attempts at improving focus. That's right, there appears to be a logical explanation for all the fidgeting, gum chewing, leg bouncing, doodling, etc - it helps ADDers pay better attention! He calls it Simultaneous Sensory Stimulation Strategies.

This explains why I can get higher scores in computer solitaire if I am talking on the phone at the same time. What I hadn't considered was that perhaps I am able to pay better attention to the other person if I am also doing some other activity. The challenge is to find something that will enhance, not take away, from your attention level.

Anyway, I find it fascinating and plan to use this technique with abandon in the future. A license to fidget! What could be better?

2003-10-04T10:22:00.000-07:00

I've had a cold all week. It's getting really boring. At least I get to sleep on the couch in the living room, where I can hear the freeway better. It's much better than my husband's snoring.

People think I'm weird when I say that I enjoy living next to the freeway, but I think I figured out what it is that's so great about it. Other than the fact that I can be on the freeway within 2 minutes of WAKING UP, it's free white noise! We live about 4 blocks away from a freeway overpass, so the acoustics are particularly good. There's a good echo under there.

I know that some people don't think that's a good thing, but I say, Don't knock it till you've tried it.

2003-10-04T10:08:00.000-07:00

OK, it has been awhile since my last post, but nothing bad happened to me. (See last post). Unless you count camping. Truth be told, I only go camping because of peer pressure and because it's an opportunity to take naps. Lots of naps. But the rest of it is bad. It's sort of like being locked outside.

This particular campground has a sign in the entrance that says, "Please don't feed the raccoons." What it didn't say was that raccoons are capable of feeding themselves, opening coolers and digging around for apple danishes.

Every night, there were several raccoons circling our campsite, creeping in closer and closer. They weren't afraid of us at all, and you could tell that they were thinking about apple danishes and wondering if we had any.

This campground was on the ocean, so I was excited about that. I hoped I could spend a nice day on the beach. But here's the problem I always have with camping on the Oregon coast: The beach is not nice. It's windy and cold, and if you're lucky, it's foggy by about 3 pm.

So I walked down to the beach with some friends, and watched their kids throw sand in each other's eyes while I shivered. I wrapped up in my blanket, which I had been hoping to use as a beach blanket. At least it served a purpose.

Then we walked back to the campground and spent the rest of the day in a very cold, shady campsite. At a certain point I could not stand the cold any longer so I took a nap, just so I could warm up in the sleeping bag.

By the end of evening, Ginger and I were pretty restless. Then she had a popcorn craving, and before I knew it, she was in her van, starting the engine. The campground was just outside civilization and she just knew there was a Jiffy Pop in town with her name on it.

I wanted to go with her but with the way she started the engine, I wasn't sure if she was going to wait for me. Her husband was hurriedly getting some of his possessions out of the back of the van, the exhaust blowing out on him.

And then we were out on the open road. As we were leaving the campground, Ginger said, "Well, we just proved to everyone in the campsite that we have ADD."

When we came back, her 4-yr old son was sitting by the fire with a sad look on his face. "Momma, the coons took the van away. With our beds and everything!"

2003-09-09T15:00:00.000-07:00

I went on a bike ride Sunday. I really should have worn some type of padding, although nothing bad happened. It's just that something bad SHOULD have happened.

I am not used to 22-speed bicycles. The last bike I remember having was one I shared with my siblings. It didn't have gears, and it didn't have brakes. We lived on a hill and the road was gravel. That didn't stop us, though. One by one, we'd head downhill, and when we needed brakes, we'd either jump off the bike or drag our shoes through the gravel until we came to a stop. Or if we were going too fast for that, we'd drive the bike into some blackberry bushes.

When we used a bike that had brakes, it was the kind where you push the pedals backwards to stop. This is how I learned to ride a bike. And you know what they say about riding a bike - you never forget.

So I headed out on my husband's 22-speed mountain bike. I was told that I needed to "get a feel for" which gears work best under various conditions. I began to shift gears at random. Sometimes I had the feeling that the bike was working well and sometimes I didn't have that feeling.

When it was time to stop, I pedaled in reverse. Nothing happened. I remembered the handlebar brake just in time. With a violent jolt, the bike came to a stop. I even jumped off the bike once instead of using the brake.

So I guess I need more practice. If you don't hear from me, assume something bad has happened.

2003-08-14T07:51:00.000-07:00

Every Time I Look At You I Go Blind

I'm trying to set a watch and it's not going well. I think I have hysterical brain-blindness caused by instruction manuals. There's just something about the thought of using an instruction manual that makes my brain turn off. I lose my ability to read, to reason.

I once had to throw a vacuum cleaner away, mainly because I never could bring myself to look at the instruction manual so I could change the belt. As a result it was irreparably damaged.

It's been lamented that children don't come with instruction manuals. Thank goodness for that. Otherwise, every time I saw a child, I'd see its accompanying instruction manual and my brain would turn off.

2003-07-26T16:45:00.000-07:00

Things are finally going my way. For one thing, I finally found my lost package of string cheese. It was in my purse. I didn't really want it anymore but it was driving me nuts not knowing where it was. I mean, if I don't know where it is, then it could be anywhere. And if it could be anywhere, someone could find it later. Maybe it would be someone with whom I'd like to have further contact. And it probably wouldn't leave the best impression.

Now I don't have that old lost package of string cheese hanging over me.

I have also emptied the trunk of my car. It gets filled with plastic sacks full of Pepsi cans and plastic grocery sacks full of still more plastic grocery sacks (from the grocery store), which I intend to recycle. Over time, I keep putting more sacks in the trunk.

I fully intend to drop the sacks off for recycling and return the cans for the deposit (5 cents each), but often it doesn't happen for a very long time. Then I put more recycling in the trunk because I need the room in my house. This time, I almost had to start filling the back seat. Soon there would have been nowhere to sit in my car.

When it gets this bad, sometimes I'll only turn in part of what I've got in an effort to appear normal. Although it's impractical, when I only turn in some of it, I get to blend in.

You're supposed to feel good about yourself when you recycle. But when you fill the entire bin with plastic sacks, or make people wait an hour to use the can machine, people don't have that same feeling of goodwill that they normally have when they see someone recycling.

But this time I didn't have the luxury of making multiple trips to get rid of my trunkful of cans and sacks. I had to do it all at once. Luckily, it was kind of late by the time I got to it. There weren't many people around. Still, I cringed as I walked with my load. Of course, the "Recycle Sacks Here" container was full. I had to put my sacks of sacks NEXT to the drop-off.

But now that it's over, I feel free. My car is getting better gas mileage. And I get to start the whole process again. :-)

2003-07-03T00:01:00.000-07:00

If there is a way for a person to injure themselves, I will find it - even if I have to get down on my hands and knees and stand up under it.

Lately I've been hitting my head on all kinds of things - sometimes so hard that I have flashbacks (mostly from my childhood) of people (numerous people) asking, "are you all right"?

Today I managed to cut my finger on my keys while starting the car. I've even injured my head with this very car. I slammed my head in the door. This is due, at least in part, to the faulty seat belt design. I would like to know the name and address of the engineer who came up with this idea so I can send him or her a gift.

The design of this seat belt leaves so very much to be desired. There are two buckles. One is at the top of the shoulder strap, and there's a separate lap belt. It's my guess that the electric seat belt was an option on this car - an option the original owner did not choose. Instead of a regular seat belt, they got a stupid seat belt. A seat belt that just looks like an electric seat belt. When the door is opened, this seat belt extends with the door, making it possible for a person to get partially inside the car and then to get caught on the seat belt. The pressure on the seat belt can then make the door close prematurely, on a head or other such extremity. And of course, if something's going to hit me, odds are it's going to hit my head. All of this without having to unbuckle and rebuckle the shoulder strap.

2003-07-02T09:50:00.000-07:00

I am behind on the weeding. Actually, that does not begin to describe the weed situation here. The north side of my yard is filled with Amazonian weeds. I did go out and clear a path for my dog. It was getting kind of cramped in her part of the yard. She's not the kind of dog who will push her way through weeds, so they just keep growing in around her until she's trapped.

The other day I remembered that there's a hydrangea in those weeds, somewhere. Maybe next year I'll try to find it.

I think the problem with this year is that we didn't really have Winter. You can check weather.com and they'll probably tell you that we did have Winter, but I don't really believe it. We had a nice mix of sunny and rainy days. The temperature fluctuated from warm to cold. In "Winters" past, I would have been trapped indoors from about November to May. It would have rained, or at least have been bitterly cold, the whole time. This is Oregon. Then, all of a sudden, it would have been Spring. I would have burst out of my house and start weeding like a maniac.

This year wasn't like that.

2003-06-18T22:44:00.000-07:00

Here is one of the reasons I'm glad that I'm not famous. I saw a headline today, which you can read for yourself at http://www.msnbc.com/news/928314.asp?0bl=-0. It reads, "Steely Dan is Getting Old". I have seen other headlines such as these, which only serve to point out the obvious. Perhaps this is the first in a series of articles: "Steely Dan is Getting Fat," "Steely Dan is Going Bald."

This makes me grateful that no one is there to make up unflattering headlines about me. Like today: I had a small problem. Because of the current fashion trend called 'low rise' I now own several pairs of these pants. They are better than no pants at all, I guess. There is also a proliferation of shirts that are too short to even begin to make up for the inadequate coverage that low-rise pants provide. It makes me cold just thinking about it. It seems that when I go clothes shopping, I must choose between the 'soccer mom' look and the '15-year-old' look. I'm at that awkward stage they call the Late Twenties.

When I wear 'low-rise' pants, I usually take care to match them up with long shirts. This morning I failed to give the proper attention to this matter. I wore low rise capri pants, a tank top that I chose at random and a sweatshirt. When the temperature rose, off came the sweatshirt, revealing that yeah, indeed, I am a pasty-white Oregonian. I had also chosen a tank top that exposed a lot of pasty-white space between the capri pants and the shirt. Luckily, since I was alone, I only offended myself.

My point: since I am revealing this of my own free will, that's OK. But just imagine if I woke up tomorrow and logged on to the Internet only to see "Jennifer Dresses Inappropriately" on MSN's homepage.

2003-06-14T21:04:00.000-07:00

Well it's been an interesting few days. My PNP, who wrote my prescriptions, has gone AWOL on me. I tried to contact her for several days with no response. Just a couple of weeks ago she increased my dose of Effexor. This was right after I refilled a 30-day supply, which I then used up in 15 days. I tried to refill my RX and the pharmacy wouldn't fill it because it was "too early." I knew that Effexor is not something you want to stop taking - it's best to taper off, or there are potentially nasty withdrawal symptoms. But by the time I was done at the pharmacy, I was already late for work (the line was incredibly long and the walk-up pharmacy window was closed). So - I went to work, where I called the person who referred me to the PNP and asked if he had another way to reach her. He said another client of his had not been able to get in touch with her, so he had tried to call her at another number the day before, and she hadn't returned his voice mail. He said that she's usually very good about returning messages. Hmm....

So by the end of work I was really dizzy, and I still had to fill out papers for my new doctor (I guess they have a policy for ADD people, because ADDers are probably not going to show up 15 minutes early to fill out paperwork on the day of the appointment.) As I sat in the waiting room, I kind of wanted to ask if I could get a prescription for Effexor before my appointment, rather than wait 2 days. But I didn't ask - I thought that it was a strange request to make, and at this point I thought I would end up crying if I talked about the med situation - I was about at the end of my rope. I think the withdrawal symptoms were beginning. So I left. I just didn't want them to think I was nuts before they had a chance to appreciate my other qualities.

So later on my new Dr called me and asked if I wanted a refill of Effexor; he didn't want me to have to go through withdrawals. In the section where they wanted to know what other counseling or doctors I had seen, I had written a little about the situation with my PNP and that I wasn't going back to her.

He called in the new prescription and when I went to pick it up, they still said that it was too soon for a refill. That was the wrong answer. I was still at the end of my rope. So after another wait, they were able to fix the problem.

The next day Richard was going to stay over at our house. He has been working here and driving an hour and and a half to get home, so sometimes he will stay overnight here. At about 11:30 I was sitting on my bed, reading. The window was open and the fans were on, drawing air in from the outside. I heard my dog yelp and run through the yard. I sat there, sniffing the air for awhile, hoping not to confirm that my dog had been sprayed by a skunk. My dog was sprayed by skunk. Why I just sat there sniffing, rather than shutting the window immediately, I don't know. Richard left; he decided he was going to sleep in his van at the buildling site where he was working.

There's nothing quite like bathing your dog at midnight, with skunk odor all around. I highly recommend it.

2003-05-19T22:07:00.000-07:00

You, too, might be suffering from the bends. Have you been spending too much time doing boring stuff? Stuff that's really a struggle for you? Scuba diving without following the rules? It's all relative, really.

When you are at sea level, the air pressure exerted on your body is 14.7 PSI (pounds per square inch). Dive down 33 feet, and the pressure doubles. Every 33 ft, the pressure increases by 14.7 PSI. Essentially, the same thing happens to me when I run errands. I go to the post office (33 ft depth, 14.7 PSI). Then I go to the bank (66 ft depth, 29.4 PSI). Then I do the grocery shopping (99 ft depth, 44.1 PSI). If you'd been scuba diving all that time, you might have to spend some time decompressing. Scuba divers sometimes have to make "decompression stops". These are periods of downtime, for the purpose of giving their bodies time to adjust on the way back to the surface. If they did not make these stops, they would have to spend time in a decompression chamber. Likewise, if you spend too much time running errands, doing boring stuff, or otherwise stressing out over keeping up, you too might have to spend some time in your personal version of the decompression chamber - for me, it's usually time spent on the Internet. Some people seem to catch a cold as a way to have some guilt-free time off. One way or another, you are going to "decompress".

Wouldn't it be better to build those "decompression stops" into your daily routine? Most of us can probably think of ways to renew our resources before the end of the day.

Any good scuba diver knows that you've got to be careful. The rest find out the hard way. The thing about diving is that you are not made to live under water! Your body adapts as best it can, but the longer you dive, the more depleted you become. The deeper you dive, the shorter the time you can spend. Your depth and elapsed time determine your level of depletion. If you were to think only in terms of how long the air in your tank will last in this situation, it could have serious consequences. You may need to start your ascent long before your tank is running low.

The same goes with the person who thinks that just because they CAN (I'm still breathing, aren't I?), they should push themselves to carry on when a situation is clearly depleting their resources. They may be able to get away with it - for awhile. And of course, we are all going to do things that are going to deplete us from time to time. That's life. But awareness - knowing what your limits are (and being considerate of those limits) - will reduce or eliminate the need for a "decompression chamber".

As usual, I teach what I most need to learn. But I am starting to recognize that decompression - AKA "downtime" is going to happen, even when I don't want it to. Because at a certain point, downtime will just happen. It's either that, or the bends!

2003-05-04T21:34:00.000-07:00

OK, there is a DVD called "The 17 Most Popular Ways To Fall Out of the Sky." Here are some of the reviews:

"It is unlikely pilots will view these tapes without recognizing themselves in one of the 17 vignettes about poor decision making. Highly realistic scenarios show pilots reacting to stress, peer pressure, and even medical conditions that could affect any pilot and lead to disaster."
-Alton K. Marsh, AOPA Pilot

"One of the best to come along in a while... And, more than once, the pilots I watched the video with were quiet when they pointed out items of which we all were not aware... it trains you to spot emergency situations before they become critical."
-Flight Training Magazine

As the DVD info goes on to say: The accidents have a common theme: human error..... The seventeen most common accidents are presented as follows:
Four preflight and takeoff accidents
Four cruise and enroute accidents
Four approach and landing accidents
Five physiological accidents, such as vertigo,hypoxia, fatigue, over-cofidence, and hangovers

Maybe it's just me, but I thought that there was a pilot school or some place where one could learn how to fly so as not to fall out of the sky. Such a school could have a class called "Aircraft Safety," in which they would cover such topics as: Taking Off Safely, Flying Safely, and Landing Safely. Perhaps they could discourage those suffering from vertigo, over-confidence, frequent hangovers, etc, from applying for a license. In addition, maybe they could write a song as a "Preflight Checklist" memory aid. These are just some ideas.

So it looks as though I now have something new to worry about; something I've never worried about before. Someone could fall out of the sky and land on me. There are 17 different ways this could happen, AND apparently it is POPULAR. That's all for today.

2003-05-02T21:40:00.000-07:00

According to a new study I read, you can reduce stress with floral fragrances. So I went right out and bought some candles. My reason for choosing one of the more dangerous ways to reduce stress, i.e., an open flame, is not the subject of this entry, however.

In the study, scientists hid floral scented dryer sheets in participant’s homes and kept track of their stress levels with and without. When the dryer sheets were hidden in their homes, participants experienced a 15% reduction in stress, on average. How would you like to wake up and say to your mate, “I feel 15% less stressed this week, on average”? Sounds pretty good to me.

That inspired me to do research about other ways to reduce stress, which brings me to a 1996 study published in the Journal of Environmental Horticulture. Having plants in the room increased worker productivity by 12%. Their blood pressure rose 2 points instead of 4 during a stressful task, and they also reported being 10% more attentive after a stressful task than those without plants, who were 0% more attentive. Apparently plants cause stressed-out, inattentive humans to become more relaxed and focused, more productive. So there you go. Get a plant, and maybe you’ll need less Ritalin. And maybe not.

The funny thing about this study is that, being the Journal of Environmental Horticulture, they didn’t bother to measure how the plants were doing after being exposed to all of this stress. After reading this study, though, I think I have figured out why all of my plants die slow and agonizing deaths. I am draining them of their life force. When it comes to my relationships with plants, I take more than I give. I am toxic to plants! They can probably sense that I am headed their way and they are like, “Sheesh, here she comes. I feel 10% less healthy when she’s in the room with me. Soon I will develop a slowly-progressing fatal disease of some kind.”

I’m not sure what to do about this, except to dump more fertilizer on them. But I suppose that if I ever have healthy plants, it might mean that I have finally moved to a better place, emotionally and spiritually. But who cares? Plants go on sale all of the time.

2003-04-23T22:23:00.000-07:00

Beware of the Vortex

In Catch Me If You Can, Frank Abagnale Jr is able to commit one crime after another - or, the same crime, over and over - by distracting people. Create a distraction, and nobody sees what you are doing. In one instance, he goes to an awful lot of trouble to be surrounded by a bunch of young ladies who are dressed as flight attendants. He walks into the airport in broad daylight, past lots of guys in black trenchcoats who are looking for him. He could have saved himself a lot of trouble if only he'd known what I know.

For years I have noticed that people are spontaneously distracted by my mere presence. I have a name for this phenomenon: The Vortex. I figure that the common factor in all of these situations is me. So what am I doing to these people? I've done all kinds of research trying to figure out what is causing this. I've researched "crowd behavior" - where an entire crowd will spontaneously start clapping in unison. Or rioting. I haven't been able to come up with any real information on people being spontaneously disoriented, but I still have a sneaking suspicion that The Vortex is real. I must be confused on so many levels that I can actually CAUSE confusion.

For example: I'm at the grocery store, and the lady at the checkout asks me if I have coupons. I put them on the counter in front of me. She makes a little comment so I know she sees them. She tells me the total, and I remind her of the coupons. She scans the coupons, puts them in her coupon envelope, and tells me thanks and have a nice day. I just stand there. I don't have a receipt. I didn't even authorize the charge to my debit card. Then she completes the transaction.

I go to the dentist's office to get my teeth cleaned. The hygienist comes out, and instead of calling my name, she calls the name of the PERSON WHO JUST LEFT. She is very embarrassed because she never does that, but I tell her it happens all the time. We didn't really establish rapport that day.

I have tried to come up with a way to explain what it's like to live in my own personal Vortex, and I found the perfect analogy the other day. I was watching TV and there was a commercial for some comedy show. A guy was wearing a drum on his back - every time he took a step, the drum would beat once. He was just walking around like nothing was out of the ordinary. That drum is the perfect equivalant of The Vortex in the physical world. If Frank Abagnale Jr had owned one of those things, he could have used it as a psychological weapon of last resort.

So maybe I'm lucky to have my own personal Vortex, but not quite lucky enough to have the often-accompanying evil intent. If I did, though, I would never have to pay for anything again. And get this: my merchandise would be bagged by a checker.

2003-04-18T15:31:00.000-07:00

They say that the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again, and expecting a different result. I wouldn’t know. I think that if I STARTED doing the same thing over and over again, it would bring a different result: the SAME result.

Most people don’t know how insane it is to do the same thing DIFFERENTLY every time. I’m here to tell you, it may be interesting, but it’s not all it’s cracked up to be. Being creative is one thing. To have to learn how to do something over and over is highly annoying.

On a 3-switch light switch in my own house, I don’t remember which switch goes to which light. I don’t even know how many times I’ve been taught the rules of Rummy. I’ve been skiing several times, and each time I head for the Bunny Hill to learn how to ski. I can only hope that sometimes I look like I’m good at improvising, rather than looking like I don’t know what the heck I am doing. I know that it’s too much to hope for on the Bunny Hill, but perhaps there are other activities where it isn’t quite so obvious.

When Wal-Mart opened in town, I stayed away for months. Not only did I keep forgetting it was there, it was something new. Anything new is just one more thing I’ll have to get used to, repeatedly. And forget spontaneity. I’m so sick of spontaneity. Unfortunately, it’s the only way to make new friends or to do anything that’s remotely interesting. I have to pretend to have no problem with spontaneity, but deep down it makes me nervous. Last-minute plans are just more spontaneity on top of my already overwhelmingly spontaneous life.

That’s why changes are so upsetting. Once I figure something out, I want it to stay the same for the rest of my life. Otherwise, I would like to have two weeks’ notice. Like if Wal-Mart rearranges everything in the store, it would really helpful if someone would call me two weeks ahead of time so I could mentally prepare for that. It’s just a suggestion.

2003-04-14T17:26:00.000-07:00

The mind works in mysterious ways, especially my mind. One minute I was wondering why anyone would fall for the “flaming bag of poo” prank – and then suddenly, my life made sense.

But let me start from the beginning. When there’s a flaming bag of poo on your porch, the thing that initially gets your attention is the fire. That’s what makes this prank such an enduring and popular one. Almost by pure instinct, you act to put the fire out as quickly as possible. You’re in “crisis mode” and you respond. Who could blame you? Once the fire is out, well, hopefully you have another pair of shoes and the name and address of the person who did this to you.

That being said, a lot of us live our lives in “crisis mode”. Paperwork, schoolwork and housework are common things for people to fall behind on. Having the occasional crisis can make you think that you should devote LOTS of time to “getting organized” - past the point of diminishing returns.

That’s why “embracing incompetence” (see the web page description) is no joke. There isn’t always a reason to be extremely competent. (I am refering to specific tasks, not you as an individual.) There just isn’t enough time in life to become highly competent at things you will always have to struggle with. Of course these things need to be dealt with, but the point is not to spend most of your time on it. When the effort exceeds the benefit in these difficult areas (or they simply don't get done), you may even decide to hire someone else to do some of those things for you. And if you’re bent on “being productive”, think of it this way: when you spend most of your time doing stuff that you’re GOOD at, it’s a much more productive use of your time. The difference between “good enough” and “perfect” when working on something you don’t have an aptitude for involves huge amounts of time, at the expense of other things that you enjoy and do well. And who says that doing things you enjoy and do well can’t be productive?

So the moral of the story, whether it’s spending time managing your weak areas or standing with your foot in a previously flaming bag of poo: It’s bad enough that you stepped in it, but don’t stay there any longer than necessary.

2003-04-11T23:26:00.000-07:00

Let us have a moment of silence for my top 10 list of The Best Ideas Ever:

1. Birth control
2. Free Mobile-to-Mobile on Edge Wireless Calling Plan
3. Personal hygiene
4. Appliances
5. The flightless bird
6. Clothes
7. Transportation
8. Wonder Woman
9. The Kazoo
10. Vaccinations

No really. Take a moment. Inhale. Exhale.

Now, on to something that was not such a great idea: Daylight Saving Time.

I hate Daylight Saving Time, almost as much I hate Darth Vader.

I used to think that Benjamin Franklin invented both the light bulb and Daylight Saving Time. But I was wrong. Then I thought that Benjamin Franklin invented the light bulb and Einstein invented Daylight Saving Time. Still wrong. So don't quote me. Now I think that Benjamin Franklin invented Daylight Saving Time, although they didn't put it into practice until until well after the light bulb was invented.

Not only was the light bulb invented by some other guy (Edison), it just doesn't make sense that the same guy would invent the light bulb, and then proceed to lobby the government to implement Daylight Saving Time. He would know better than to invent the light bulb and THEN set about finding a way to stop us from using it. That's what competitors and anti-trust lawsuits are for.

So when one of Edison's competitors started inventing things, I bet he thought, "Nothing I invent will ever hold a candle to the light bulb." That's when he set his evil plan in motion. Because "If you can't beat them, at least you can sabotage them."

2003-04-09T21:16:00.000-07:00

How can it be so hard for you to do those everyday tasks that everybody else manages to get done? What HAVE you been doing all day?

It’s kind of like this:

Some people know the alphabet backwards and forwards, and if they have something to file, they know that K comes after J and before L. They can do that type of work quickly. In order for me to remember that K comes after J and before L, I have to hum the alphabet song. Therefore, I would not make a good secretary, unless I could find an employer who is fond of the alphabet song. It takes me longer to file things. It also takes me longer to look up anything that is listed in alphabetical order, like a name in the phone book or a word in the dictionary. I just keep humming that alphabet song. A lot of everyday tasks just take me longer, because they are about as easy for me to do as filing is for someone who doesn't automatically know how the letters are arranged in the alphabet.

Now add interruptions. I am halfway through the alphabet song and someone interrupts me. NOW how much longer will it take to do the filing?

This brings me to the issue of WORKING MEMORY. It’s what allows other people to continue to attend to something from one moment to the next. Apparently, other people can be unloading the dishwasher, stop to answer the phone, and then go back to unloading the dishwasher! Me, I unload a little of the top rack, then get bored and unload a little of the bottom rack. If I get interrupted, that may be the end of that. To make things worse, I interrupt myself.

I walk past the laundry area and see a shirt that is only partly folded. While I was folding that shirt, I must have thought of something else that needed to be done, and unless I want to forget, I have to do everything (or write it down) the second I think of it. There sits that shirt.

OK, so I’m supposed to be cleaning the house and I find myself doing something completely unrelated to cleaning the house! How did that happen? I had a thought, and I have to do everything (or write it down) the second I think of it, or it will be gone forever. In this case, I decided not to write it down. So what have I been doing all day? Apparently, saving myself the trouble of writing things down. I sure am glad I didn’t waste any paper today.

2003-04-06T20:24:00.000-07:00

My wants are few. For one thing, I want to be omniscient (basically, all-knowing). When I was a teenager, I thought I was well on my way. But as time passed, it dawned on me that it was just arrogance - a good substitute, in a pinch. For example, often when I’m walking with other people I will realize that THEY THINK I KNOW WHERE I’M GOING and are following me. Of course, some people might say that you shouldn’t walk confidently in front if you don’t know where you are going. But I’m actually following them, because I look back every so often to see if they are still there. Imagine my surprise when I discovered that this is a technique to “get anyone to follow you.”

But back to the subject of omniscience. Of course I won’t get there overnight, which really annoys me. First I have to move through some stages. This is where “The Four Stages of Learning” comes in. According to this concept, I’m incompetent. But more on that later.

The first stage is Unconscious Incompetence. You don’t know what you don’t know. You have more confidence than ability. Most teenagers and people who walk confidently into walls fall into this category. I wonder if you stay at this stage until you figure out exactly what it is you need to learn, even if you know you need to learn something. At any rate, don’t sign any important papers when you are at this stage. (Unfortunately, most marriage licenses are signed at this stage.)

The second stage is Conscious Incompetence. You know that you don’t know. This is where I get excited, because I may be incompetent now, but just WAIT until I become fully aware of it!

The third stage is Conscious Competence. You’ve learned the skill, but it hasn’t become a habit. You have to consciously perform the steps involved.

The fourth stage is Unconscious Competence. You have repeated the steps so many times, it’s become automatic and does not require your full attention.

If this Omniscience thing doesn't pan out, I may consider Arrogant Incompetence. Think of it as a new category between Unconscious and Conscious Incompetence. Because, in this world of instant gratification, I can have it now. So don’t follow me, because I don’t remember where we parked.

2003-04-03T10:46:00.000-08:00

The clutter in my house is ganging up on me again. So of course, I am at my computer. I need to put the laundry away and clean the house. And we might want to eat later on, so I should think about that too. But not right now. Right now I’m going to explain why I think it’s so hard to tackle all of this stuff, because it’s easier than tackling all of this stuff.

STAY WITH ME HERE because I think I may have hit on something. This is the best way I can explain it: Draw three dots, but not in a row. Now draw as many lines as you can between the three dots.

OK, so you’ve drawn three lines, unless you’ve cheated. NOW, draw a fourth dot and you will notice that now, even though you’ve only added one dot, you can draw a total of six lines. If you think of each line as a “relationship”, they could be compared to “synergy”. My dictionary defines synergy as "the interaction of two or more agents or forces so that their combined effect is greater than the sum of their individual effects." In the scenario where you only have 3 dots, there are 3 relationships. With 4 dots, you have 6 relationships. This, I believe, is a simple way to explain the concept of “overwhelm” to people who just don’t get it.

Don’t get me wrong, I like synergy as much as the next guy does. It’s just that there is “positive synergy” and “negative synergy”, depending on the situation. In business, or creative situations, synergy can be positive. You may have noticed how many businesses have 4 or more partners. That’s because it works with people too – it optimizes what each of them brings to that business, or how a business really seemed to take off after reaching a total of 4 partners. With 4 (or more) you get synergy.

Now, back to the subject of “overwhelm”. People who tend to think in “straight lines” aren’t worried about what comes next, because the dots can only be connected in one way when you have a straight line. If something unexpected comes up, they can usually fit it into their schedule, perhaps by eliminating or rescheduling something else, and proceed with their day. People who don’t have their “dots in a row” see all kinds of relationships and possibilities. It can be an advantage - this is how things are invented! But, while it's great if you're trying to invent something, it does not really help you do laundry.

With so many relationships, on a list of six chores, we see much more than those six chores. I don't know how much more we see, but it’s more than I have fingers. Just trying to figure out THE ORDER in which to do those things can drive a person to play video games! And you don’t even want to get me started on the matter of changing plans and “picking up where you left off.” There is no such thing! If plans are changed once the day is in motion, the momentum is completely lost. “Picking up where we left off” is actually starting over from the beginning, except that now there is less time.

If you are wondering what the solution is, try changing your approach, and as much as possible, have other people do the things you have difficulty with. You’ve got to find WHAT WORKS FOR YOU, whether it’s “normal” or not. And remember that momentum overcomes “negative synergy”. Keeping up is easier than starting over. But I’m one to talk: what do I have on my to-do list today? Burn the house down. It works for me, and I think I can get it done in 3 steps.

2003-04-01T22:57:00.000-08:00

Strive for mediocrity. If it is better than what you are doing now."