Friday, April 18, 2003

They say that the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again, and expecting a different result. I wouldn’t know. I think that if I STARTED doing the same thing over and over again, it would bring a different result: the SAME result.

Most people don’t know how insane it is to do the same thing DIFFERENTLY every time. I’m here to tell you, it may be interesting, but it’s not all it’s cracked up to be. Being creative is one thing. To have to learn how to do something over and over is highly annoying.

On a 3-switch light switch in my own house, I don’t remember which switch goes to which light. I don’t even know how many times I’ve been taught the rules of Rummy. I’ve been skiing several times, and each time I head for the Bunny Hill to learn how to ski. I can only hope that sometimes I look like I’m good at improvising, rather than looking like I don’t know what the heck I am doing. I know that it’s too much to hope for on the Bunny Hill, but perhaps there are other activities where it isn’t quite so obvious.

When Wal-Mart opened in town, I stayed away for months. Not only did I keep forgetting it was there, it was something new. Anything new is just one more thing I’ll have to get used to, repeatedly. And forget spontaneity. I’m so sick of spontaneity. Unfortunately, it’s the only way to make new friends or to do anything that’s remotely interesting. I have to pretend to have no problem with spontaneity, but deep down it makes me nervous. Last-minute plans are just more spontaneity on top of my already overwhelmingly spontaneous life.

That’s why changes are so upsetting. Once I figure something out, I want it to stay the same for the rest of my life. Otherwise, I would like to have two weeks’ notice. Like if Wal-Mart rearranges everything in the store, it would really helpful if someone would call me two weeks ahead of time so I could mentally prepare for that. It’s just a suggestion.


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