Here is one of the reasons I'm glad that I'm not famous. I saw a headline today, which you can read for yourself at http://www.msnbc.com/news/928314.asp?0bl=-0. It reads, "Steely Dan is Getting Old". I have seen other headlines such as these, which only serve to point out the obvious. Perhaps this is the first in a series of articles: "Steely Dan is Getting Fat," "Steely Dan is Going Bald."

This makes me grateful that no one is there to make up unflattering headlines about me. Like today: I had a small problem. Because of the current fashion trend called 'low rise' I now own several pairs of these pants. They are better than no pants at all, I guess. There is also a proliferation of shirts that are too short to even begin to make up for the inadequate coverage that low-rise pants provide. It makes me cold just thinking about it. It seems that when I go clothes shopping, I must choose between the 'soccer mom' look and the '15-year-old' look. I'm at that awkward stage they call the Late Twenties.

When I wear 'low-rise' pants, I usually take care to match them up with long shirts. This morning I failed to give the proper attention to this matter. I wore low rise capri pants, a tank top that I chose at random and a sweatshirt. When the temperature rose, off came the sweatshirt, revealing that yeah, indeed, I am a pasty-white Oregonian. I had also chosen a tank top that exposed a lot of pasty-white space between the capri pants and the shirt. Luckily, since I was alone, I only offended myself.

My point: since I am revealing this of my own free will, that's OK. But just imagine if I woke up tomorrow and logged on to the Internet only to see "Jennifer Dresses Inappropriately" on MSN's homepage.